We saw our grandkids again on Sunday. A small family get together for Father’s Day and our youngest grandchild’s 4th birthday. As we all find our way and do our best to minimize our risks of COVID-19, being
able to hug my grandkids brings me great joy and is one of the things I have missed the most these past few months.
There is a reason many people want to refer to this new practice as physical distancing, not social distancing. We need each other. Social isolation is not healthy. Technology has helped but it is not the same. Just ask someone who said their final goodbye to a loved one on FaceTime or Zoom.
Living in Rhode Island, my husband and I have taken the shutdown very seriously. Governor Gina Raimondo got ahead of it early with the shutdown order and then a slow, phased reopening. From mid-March until a few weeks ago, we have mostly stayed home except for the weekly groceries, a few trips to the garden nursery and Home Depot, the occasional takeout order, and the daily dog walks.
We limited family visits to outside spaces at our homes at a distance and no hugs. We are gradually loosening up on the hugs. As we all learn more about how the virus is transmitted, spending time with close family who have also been strict during this period seems reasonable.
My 4-year-old grandson first told me back in April on a family Zoom session that he was going to have a birthday parade, no gifts, and a small cake only for his mom, dad, and sister. It was sad to hear him explain this at such a young age but I thought it was probably a reasonable plan. The idea of a parade was exciting to him. But two months later we decided it was ok to do the backyard immediate family only gathering, which was 12 adults and the 4 young cousins, aged 4 through 7. The grandkids gave us hugs and briefly sat on our laps. It was good to not feel like we were all radioactive.
The slow opening of our own circles is a challenge we all must deal with. I do not take this virus lightly. I read a lot and listen to many interviews and podcasts with experts. I try to be as informed as possible about the science. And I take cues from my sister who has a public health background and my daughter who is an NP and has cared for COVID-19 patients in Boston.
I have started a daily journal in the event I get sick so I can look back at where I have been. It includes about 30 minutes in a hair salon for a haircut 12 days ago (with masks on both of us) and attending a Black Lives Matter protest over 2 weeks ago (with masks and staying on the edges to create more physical distance). I have added our family gathering on Father’s Day to my journal.
A four-year-old child’s birthday is a poignant and somewhat sad personal reminder for me. My dad died of cancer just four days before my 4th birthday. And my dad’s father died during the 1918 flu epidemic when my dad was just a young child.
Death and loss are all around us these days. Never in our history have 120,000 Americans died from something in less than 4 months. Losing an elder parent or a not so old parent to COVID-19 is something thousands of families have experienced in the past few months. And as George Floyd’s murder has made us all more aware of, losing a young mother or father to gun violence or police brutality is something that black children have experienced for decades.
Our world is in a sad state. But every day I look for reasons to be optimistic about the future.
Find a way to safely hug your loved ones, to support the fight for justice and a better world, and to keep yourself educated and safe. And wear a mask!