My husband and I recently had the joy of our first ever “Nana Camp” – four days with our four grandkids ages 6-9 at our house. One family is two girls ages 9 and 7. The other family is a 7 year old girl and 6 year old boy. I have been talking with my daughters about doing nana camp since I reduced my work hours this year making more time for family.

We now live in a townhouse in Plymouth, Massachusetts, with a couple swimming pools in our development, nearby beaches, and history rich field trip opportunities. A perfect setting for nana camp! Not until we were on our field trips (Plimouth Patuxet Museums including the Patuxet Homesite, 17th-Century English Village, Mayflower II and Plimoth Grist Mill) did I realize they have missed school field trips the past few years due to the pandemic which made these outings even more special.

After the four cousins spent July 4^th together, my two daughters and I came up with the framework for nana camp rules which started a few days later. The first night they were all here, I had the kids write out the rules and post them on the refrigerator door. Just the act of writing them together tested some of the rules. It was their idea to each sign the rules like a contract.

Don’t get me wrong, all four of them are awesome and well behaved but get them all together and there’s bound to be what we later described as “silly fights”. So much so that on the last day we joked about making silly fight badges for them and how many they would all get.

Siblings have their day-to-day routines at home, but all four cousins together can disrupt that. Arguing and jostling over who takes the first shower at night, which row they get in the mini-van, who gets to walk the dogs first – you get the idea. The oldest had an astute observation a few days later when we had just her and her sister here for a short mini-camp. With just two of them they didn’t need to have silly fights – there were two showers to use so both could be first, there were only two kid seats in our car so front vs back row wasn’t a fight, and there were two dogs to walk.

These were the rules we agreed on with “be safe and have fun” underlying them:

1. Be kind
2. Be inclusive
3. Respect privacy
4. Work it out
5. Clean up after yourself
6. Let others sleep

Kindness should go without saying but in a period where we see so much bullying in our society, we must emphasize it. For these kids it was ensuring silly fights didn’t turn into mean words. Inclusiveness is critical to teach on so many levels. For these kids it was about taking turns and not excluding someone from a game or activity. Respect privacy meant if someone needed alone time, let them have it. Work it out meant don’t come tattling to us – try to work it out themselves. We learned over the days that these rules could conflict with one another and that there were times when they needed adults to help them work things out together.

Clean up after yourself is a no brainer but always worth mentioning and reminding them. Let others sleep was a last minute add now that the kids are on summer sleep schedules and staying up much later than usual. It helped to have it when kids who are used to sleeping in their own rooms are now sharing a room giggling, talking, and keeping each other awake late into the night.

Inclusiveness was reinforced each night when we read out loud a kid level biography of Ruth Bader Ginsburg – a library book that the oldest had brought with. When they arrived, they told me they had a book about the lady on my office wall (if you’ve been on a Zoom call with me or seen any of the podcasts I’ve been on, you’ve seen my RBG painting). I’m delighted the older kids are at this level of reading – so many inspirational books about successful women that I look forward to buying for them in the coming years.

They were all willing to help with chores if we asked them or assigned them. But it was nothing like how willingly they fell into helping the pilgrim characters in costume at the Plymouth Plantation and Museum we went to the first day. They loved being helpers there! My husband and I joked that maybe we needed to wear costumes at home and have an old English manner of speaking next time.

So, what are some takeaways for leaders?

• Each person is unique – you need to get to know them well, what motivates them and understand what might be happening in their lives to impact their work.
• Teamwork is helped or hindered by different personalities.
• Negotiation is a fundamental skill everyone needs – it is constant and takes many forms.
• Treat people with respect, help them understand why you are asking them to do something, and don’t threaten them.
• When giving criticism, make it private. No one wants to be embarrassed in front of others.
• Inclusiveness takes many forms every day and in ways we are unaware of. Remember that no one wants to be left out or left behind.
• Competition can be both motivating and demotivating, don’t create unnecessary competition.
• Sharing successes is a good thing but bragging is not becoming to anyone.
• And last but not least – working parents need our support, understanding, and flexibility. They are juggling a lot at home.

We all appreciate feedback. My husband and I got it. On the last day over lunch, the kids talked about wanting nana camp all summer. Best review we could hope for! And they talked about how this was a private camp, not a public camp. I admitted to them that I didn’t think I could spend four days like that with kids I didn’t love as much as them…..especially during their silly fights. We’ll surely have more nana camps in the future!

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