April is coming to a close next week. As I wrote in “Do you know your big rocks?”, April is a mixed month for me. My father died on April 23^rd from Hodgkins Disease when I was a few days shy of my fourth birthday. Over the years, April has become a more joyous month. Both my daughters were married in April as I was.

On April 9^th, my husband and I hit a major milestone in our relationship that only a small percentage of couples do – we celebrated our 50^th wedding anniversary. Our story is an interesting one. When Tom first said let’s get married, I said, “No, people like us don’t make long term commitments”. I changed my mind later that day and a month later we got married in a judge’s office at the courthouse across the street from where I worked. I bought a dress I could wear both to work that morning and to get married that afternoon. Sound a bit like a workaholic??

My immediate family was with us as we exchanged our vows. We then headed to my mother and stepfather’s house for a small gathering and then to a nice local restaurant for dinner. Two days later, my husband and I got in our car and headed from Minneapolis to Tucson where his family lived. We had very little money back then. We slept in the car on the way there. I met his parents, brother and sister then for the first time. Tom overheard his parents saying the day after we arrived, “I thought he was marrying the other one” – meaning his college girlfriend whom they had met before.

Fast forward 50 years and we are still together having made and kept that long-term commitment to each other. We have two amazing daughters, two wonderful sons-in-laws, and four awesome grandchildren. They are all my big rocks.

At our anniversary party, I made the first comments and shared a few funny stories. I noted the importance of commitment and community surrounded by family and friends from different parts of our life. Tom read a poem he had written and shared more stories.

My sister and our daughters toasted us so there were more stories yet. My sister celebrated her 50^th wedding anniversary a few years ago and then experienced the grief of losing her husband the following year to cancer. She shared her view of what makes a marriage successful and what she has witnessed in ours the past 50 years. It’s simple and worth sharing.

First, have shared beliefs and values.

Second, be each other’s cheerleader.

Third, find ways to laugh together.

Sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? But if you’ve ever been in a relationship, you know it’s not. I have two additions to her advice. You must grow together or you will grow apart and try to find a light-hearted way to tell your partner when things bother you. While they may never change those habits, at least you aren’t bottling it up only to explode later.

Successful and long-lasting relationships of any kind take time, patience, and compromise. But it is all worth it when you find your soulmate as I did.