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Season of Gratitude: Balancing Joy, Grief, and Stress

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I started writing this last week on a windy, rainy day from my home in southern New England. It was 61 degrees. We won’t see that temperature probably again for a few months.

Our artificial tree with lights that comes in three parts is assembled and plugged in. I’ll get to the ornaments in the next few days. Our little funky display of holiday figures in our entryway is done. Our decorations are nothing compared to what I see friends post on Facebook or what you can find on Pinterest. That’s OK. It’s ours. And when I get to doing the tree ornaments, hanging the few handcrafted ones my adult daughters made when they were little kids will bring a smile to my face!

I put together my gift list for shopping and have one more present to buy. I mailed the out-of-town gifts to arrive in time.

My husband and I are practicing four choir pieces for our Christmas Eve church service. As part of the glee club in our community, we did three performances of the holiday concert a week ago. My favorite pieces from that program were Prayer for Shalom and Peace, Peace. Music truly is good for the spirit!

This season should be a time of joy yet for many it is a difficult time of grieving, especially when it’s the “first” holiday without a loved one. And for people who shop for a lot of gifts and people hosting family or friends, it can become a very stressful time.

I’ve written a few blogs over the years during the holidays that are worth revisiting. Here are excerpts from a few of them:

Holidays aren’t fa-la-la for everyone

As you celebrate the joy and wonder of this holiday season, make room for those who are grieving. Find kindness in your heart for all around you but give special support and love to those who may need it the most at this time of the year. If you have experienced loss, let those close to you surround you with their love. Continue reading →

Finding truth post-election: staying informed, vigilant and engaged

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It has been over a week since the election. For some of us, an incredibly long week of processing our reactions and considering how we go forward. My first response was disbelief and dread. Then came the sadness. As the days go by, I am thinking more and more about how to continue to have a voice and make a difference. I won’t just sit by and watch. I want to help make a better future for our Nation and for the World.

Misinformation played a big part in our elections. As I said in 2016, we must stay informed, be vigilant and engaged. Separating the facts from fiction is more important now than in the past.

If you share my concern about the level of misinformation, I offer a few resources to consider adding to your reading or listening list.

Heather Cox Richardson writes a daily newsletter called, Letters from an American, which is also available as a podcast. For well over a year, I have made reading her letter my first “to do” with a cup of coffee each morning. As a history professor, she is a master at framing the events of the day in a historical context. The November 12th letter was a master class in “careful what you ask for”. It was downright chilling to read.

Joyce Vance writes a daily newsletter called, Civil Discourse. She is a former United States Attorney, currently a law professor and a legal analyst for MSNBC and NBC. She also co-hosts two podcasts, #SistersInLaw and Cafe’s Insider. As she says, “I believe that being a citizen is the most important work any of us can do. As citizens, a key part of our role is to educate ourselves and stay informed”. She focuses a lot on the legal issues, so I don’t always get through her newsletter but the one dated November 9th, “The Importance of Information” is well worth reading to understand the level and impact of disinformation in 2024.

Yes, you may consider these two sources liberal and want more centrist or both-sided sources, but I am looking for big picture context from fact-based, credible resources to inform and inspire me. If you have other recommendations, I’m open.

A friend and former colleague during my Michigan days recently shared on Facebook that she regularly reads Tangle. They self-describe as a “non-partisan politics newsletter giving a 360-degree view on the news – opinions from the left, right and center so you can decide”. As they say, “unbiased news for busy people”. I just subscribed to check it out.

And as social media platforms are evolving, I’m ready to make my move from X to Bluesky. It’s well past time for that given what X has become.

The future is what we make it. To stand idly by and watch is not in my nature. That’s why I use a wide range of sources, treating each with a bit of skepticism, working to develop a Truth that will help benefit the Greater Good based on facts and evidence supported by optimism. We can always be better – individually and collectively. I will continue to support organizations and political leaders who share my values and sense of purpose.

Embracing life’s fragility: personal connections and enduring friendships

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It’s been several weeks since I last wrote. In my last post I talked about cultivating your professional network and the give and take of relationships. In this post, personal connections and friendships are top of mind.

Shortly after my last blog post, I had a lovely 2-week vacation with my sister and my husband traveling the varied beauty of California from the ocean to the giant sequoias to the canyons and mountains. My sister’s husband passed away two years ago, and we have become her favorite travel buddies. This is the second year that the three of us have taken a trip together. Any time we spend together is a treasure.

But my West Coast vacation ended on a sad note. I added a few extra days to my trip so I could attend a memorial service in the Northwest for a good friend who had died unexpectedly a month earlier. She was a friend we didn’t see or talk to often but when we did, our close friendship with her and her husband picked up easily where it had last left off.

There is nothing like a memorial service and talking with a grieving family to cause deep reflection and introspection about one’s own mortality and to remind us what really matters in life.

My drive from the airport to the town they live in was a 2-hour drive through a beautiful part of Washington state. I had plenty of time each way in the car alone to reflect on life. While my husband and I have joked about making sure I know all the passwords if something happens to him, the sudden and unexpected loss of a loved one is anything but a joke. It rips your heart out and leaves you and your family devastated. But time heals. And you carry on. And that’s what my friend and his family are doing, hard as it is. They have lost a spouse, a mother, a grandmother, a daughter and a sister. They have lost one of their “big rocks”.

I’ve written about “big rocks” a few times in the past. We need to know who they are and put them ahead of all the little rocks and distractions that take our time and energy. We need to live life to the fullest and love deeply those who matter most to us. And we need to be kind to all who cross our path. As the family eulogies at the memorial service pointed out, we will be remembered not for what we did or accomplished but for the kind of person we were and how we made others feel.

Related Posts:

Do you know your big rocks?

Take time to reboot

Time to stop and smell the roses

Time to stop and smell the roses – part 2

A decade of blogging: 10 years of insights on healthcare, technology, and leadership

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This week marks 10 years since I became a blogger! With a focus on the intersection of healthcare and technology, a lot has happened in 10 years. For my regular readers, you know I cover much more than healthcare and technology including leadership, career advice, women’s issues, and yes, even politics. And I weave in personal stories at times.

When I started this blog in 2014, I was serving as the CIO at University of Michigan Hospitals and Health Centers. The social media coordinator in the Communications department encouraged me to start and helped set it up. I leaned on our IT chief of staff to help manage it. From the start, I assumed that I had multiple audiences to speak to – my IT staff (I encouraged them to subscribe but promised to continue my monthly CIO messages aimed at just them), our health system staff, health IT colleagues in the industry, and anyone else who was interested. My first blog was about our major Epic go live a few days later – “Three days and counting….”. It was the first of many practitioner based blogs over the years.

So, why blog? As I wrote in my “About” page:

“One of my passions is the development of the next generation of IT leaders, especially young people who are beginning their careers or who are beginning to take on leadership roles. I’ve been there: a young mother of two with a full-time management job while a part-time graduate student.  I remember the years when I was the only woman at the leadership table. With this weekly blog, I share perspectives on the critical issues facing Health Care IT, the organizational transformations that IT organizations face, the challenges of leadership, and the work we need to do together to keep the paths of opportunity open for all. What we do matters.”

When I left Michigan in early 2016 to start down a path of interim management, consulting and leadership coaching, I took over the blog myself and committed to continuing writing weekly. I had relevant topics each week as I served in four different organizations in interim IT leadership roles in subsequent years and launched StarBridge Advisors with colleagues in late 2016.

If you are a subscriber, you know that my weekly commitment has waned in the past year, and I publish less frequently. As I have reduced and refocused my work commitments, topic ideas come to me less frequently – mostly from events in the industry and beyond, articles, discussions with people I coach and mentor, and my regular contact with health IT leaders.

There have been times when I just can’t be silent on something and go more political. Continue reading →

Live your values and be the change

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It may be easy to feel discouraged at times – by challenges at work or at home, or the current political scene, or the conflicts in the world. But I like to be an optimist and maintain a positive attitude finding ways to “be the change”.

Here are a few things in the past several days that have given me hope:

I listened to and watched several sessions at the Becker’s Healthcare 14th Annual Meeting Virtual Event this week. I love hearing healthcare leaders talk about why they got into healthcare, share the missions of their organizations to care for their patients and improve their communities, and describe the tangible outcomes of their continued efforts in these challenging times. It reinforces my passion for healthcare and why I have spent my entire career in this industry.

Last Friday, my husband and I went to a volunteer fair in my community. I was both surprised and encouraged when we pulled in and saw a full parking lot. I had no idea so many people would be looking for ways to help others through volunteer work. There were approximately 25 organizations with exhibits educating us about their services and describing the many volunteer opportunities. They included the local community hospital, Habitat for Humanity, homeless coalition, climate change, sustainability, the local art center, and much more.

We got home that afternoon just in time for a Volunteer Blue virtual call I had registered for. Volunteer Blue is a coalition of 24 grassroots organizations focused on electing Democrats. American historian, Heather Cox Richardson, was the guest speaker. She writes a daily newsletter, “Letters from an American”, on the history behind today’s politics. (My daily morning routine is to make a cup of coffee and read her newsletter before I do anything else – yes, even before checking email!) Her 2023 book, “Democracy Awakening: Notes on the State of America” is a New York Times bestseller. After Heather’s comments, the organizers shared data on the key races in 2024. Finally, there were breakout groups organized by the many different ways to get involved. About 1,000 people were on the call and ready to commit time to help elect Democrats up and down the ballot in 2024.

If you know me at all, you won’t be surprised that I’m sharing these examples of what motivates and inspires me. This is me from a young age. My first part-time job during high school was working as a nurse aid in a nearby nursing home. In the summers, I did volunteer work with my church youth group. And I was volunteering for progressive Democrat candidates from the time I could vote.

I truly believe you have to live (and vote) your values!

Related Posts: 

Finding your passion

A passion for healthcare

Vote your values

Beyond Hero Culture: Trusting Your Team to Shine

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Do you trust your team to cover when you are gone? I was inspired to comment on the importance of team, especially at this time of year, after listening to one of Bill Russell’s Friday podcasts on his ThisWeekHealth Newsroom show. If you are a regular listener, you know Bill comments on various topics on Fridays rather than focusing on a specific news story. This episode was called – “Step Aside”. It’s definitely one worth listening to.

He talks about lessons from a recent golf tournament where the format was more than what we golfers know as “best ball”. In this tournament, whoever had the best ball didn’t get to hit the next ball. Only the other three could hit it. This ensured everyone was participating fully on the foursome team.

He also talked about “hero culture” which I’m afraid many IT shops still depend on. We know that IT takes a team. And there is no “I” in team! When you or someone else takes a break or is unavailable, can your team cover or can at least one other person step in?

Let’s take that question a step further and apply it to the holiday season. Who is doing the holiday decorating, gift shopping and party planning in your household? Do you have a holiday “hero culture” at home? Or are you sharing the tasks?

I am getting ready for a multi-week vacation which has included working the pre-holiday to do list. Happy to say gift shopping is done! I’ll get as far as I can on all my work tasks and then do my handoff document for my StarBridge Advisors colleagues before I leave. With our team approach, I know everything will be covered just fine.

Whether at work or at home, there is no need to be a hero – think team and know that others will step up and maybe even grow with some new responsibilities. Note to parents – your home team includes your kids!

Wishing you a happy, healthy, stress-free and joyous holiday season!!

Nana Camp Chronicles: year 2 insights and adventures

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We held our second Nana Camp last week. Given how well it went (despite my husband and I being exhausted by Friday night), I think we’ll make it an annual event in the summer. Last year I wrote about our first one in my post “Leadership lessons from nana camp”. The rules we agreed on (pictured in that post) hung on our refrigerator until a few months ago when my husband went on a purging spree. Good thing I have a record here so we could revisit and decide on new/revised rules for this year.

Two (ages 10 and 8) of the four grandkids had their first away/overnight camps this year having attended Girl Scout camp. So, they came to Nana Camp with a new perspective. My daughter suggested that the 10-year-old could be a Counselor in Training (CIT) when we were last together as a family on Father’s Day. I wasn’t quite ready for that but I’m a fan of delegation! Not sure what a CIT would mean for us but as a start that day, she wrote down the list of ideas for this year and what they liked from last year. That list of course was put on the refrigerator door. We used it at our camp “orientation” session Monday morning to plan and vote on activities for the week.

The other two (ages 8 and 7) have been to day camps that are mornings only and gotten used to making their own lunches at home while their parents work in their home offices. Love hearing that! Means they all are capable of it and that I could expect them to do more for themselves at breakfast and lunch.

Together on Monday we agreed on activities for the week and what the rules would be. We also talked about their lessons from last year – mainly not to have stupid fights about everything – who sits by who at dinner, who sits by who in the car, who gets the first shower, who walks which dog – you get it! And of course, they are one year older and that much more mature!

Here is this year’s complete list of rules – a slight variation on last year with few additions: Continue reading →

Healthcare for all: ensuring inclusivity in LGBTQ+ patient care

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June is Pride Month. In recent years, LGBTQ+ rights have come under attack. All this after the landmark Supreme Court decision in 2015 supporting marriage equality. These attacks are taking many forms – “Don’t Say Gay” bills in state legislatures, bans on drag queen story hours, protests and intimidation at events, bomb threats at children’s hospitals providing gender affirming care, and more.

A March 7, 2023, piece in the Boston Globe by Renee Graham, “Understanding the intersectionality of hate”, begins by highlighting the number of bills pending in state legislatures. “The American Civil Liberties Union is tracking more than 380 anti-LGBTQ bills in nearly three dozen state legislatures, ranging from bans on gender-affirming care for trans youth to prohibiting classroom discussions about LGBTQ people or issues”.

In the face of these attacks and threats, and anti-LGBTQ+ legislation, allyship is more important than ever. Who doesn’t have a gay family member, friend, or colleague? Allyship is showing up and speaking up. There are many ways to do this as individuals and organizations, especially during Pride Month.

In 2015 I wrote a post titled “Marriage equality, it’s personal”.  I talked about the experience of my aunt when her longtime partner was hospitalized in her final days and how my aunt was treated. That was 1990. We’ve come a long way in healthcare but need to continue these efforts given the strong anti-LGBTQ+ sentiments.

I’m proud to have worked at Boston Children’s Hospital in recent years. Despite bomb threats due to their gender affirming care program, they are not deterred from their ongoing commitment to providing comprehensive and affirming treatment for LGBTQ+ patients and families. They have been awarded the Healthcare Equality Index’s (HEI) Leadership Status every year since 2015. They provide LGBTQ+ patient and family centered care in four key areas: patient non-discrimination, equal visitation, employment non-discrimination, and training in LGBTQ+ patient and family centered care.

The HEI is the national LGBTQ+ benchmarking tool that evaluates healthcare facilities’ policies and practices related to the equity and inclusion of their LGBTQ+ patients, visitors, and employees. Nearly 500 healthcare facilities achieved the top score of 100 in 2022 and earned the LGBTQ+ Healthcare Equality Leader designation.

My 2015 blog also referenced this HEI designation. I was working at Michigan Medicine then and they too were recognized with HEI Leadership Status. I closed that blog hoping that in the coming years, thousands more healthcare organizations would receive this same designation. There is progress, but more is needed.

Resources:

National LGBTQIA+ Health Education Center – Ten Strategies for Creating Inclusive Health Care Environments for LGBTQIA+ People

Human Rights Campaign Foundation – Transgender-Affirming Hospital Policies

From workaholic to fitness enthusiast: living a healthier lifestyle

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When I turned 50, I joined a gym – it was a birthday present to myself. Many years of working long hours, commuting, and raising two daughters kept me from regular workouts. I figured at 50 it was well past time. I knew that no one at work was going to come into my office at 6pm and tell me to go home and take care of myself. I had to own it. I have belonged to a gym almost continuously since then though I’ve lived at 5 different addresses in that time.

I had another major milestone birthday last week. And I can honestly say I have never been as physically active as I am now. Go figure. Guess that’s what happens when you work less!

At a minimum, I walk a 1.3 mile loop late afternoon almost every day with our two dogs. I go to 4 classes a week at the YMCA if I register before there are wait lists. I play pickleball every day I can when the weather is good. And I’ve signed up with a women’s golf group to play 9 holes once a week when my schedule allows – I know this will be more fun and social than exercise.

If you are a golfer, you know that’s a humbling experience! From 2000 to 2012, I had periods where I golfed 9 holes once a week but never took lessons. In the past 10 years, I’ve golfed only a few times at charity outings. We moved to a planned community in late 2021 and our townhouse is on one of the two golf courses. We see a lovely but challenging par 3 hole from our deck – we see golfers tee off hoping to hit it over the junk and then we see them hunt for their ball around the green. This summer I decided it was time to get back into golf myself. Continue reading →

New Year’s Resolutions – one month in

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Do you make new year’s resolutions? Do you share them with others for accountability? Do you use the new year as a time for reflection and goal setting?

I have made explicit resolutions in some years and not others. A few years ago, I framed them as intentions – they were balance, passion and engagement. Regardless of what form it takes, the start of a new year is a good time to reflect on the past year and plan for the coming year in both your professional and personal life.

My resolutions at the start of 2022 revolved around life/work balance and I’m happy to say I have made good progress. In 2022, my work schedule was very manageable, I spent more time with family (including fun times with grandkids), got a lot of exercise (including becoming a Pickleball addict), and vacationed without worrying about work.

More time with family may sound like a cliché – maybe more available to family is another way to say it. So, what are some examples of being available? When my daughters tell me about a game or performance that my grandkids are in, I now have the flexibility to say yes, I’ll be there. When my daughters ask if I can take care of their kids for a few days, I now can say yes. That included “Nana Camp” last summer. And when my sister’s husband passed away back home in Minnesota, I was able to spend extended time with her.

I am carrying all these positive 2022 changes and more into 2023. Continue reading →