Tag Archives: grief

Season of Gratitude: Balancing Joy, Grief, and Stress

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I started writing this last week on a windy, rainy day from my home in southern New England. It was 61 degrees. We won’t see that temperature probably again for a few months.

Our artificial tree with lights that comes in three parts is assembled and plugged in. I’ll get to the ornaments in the next few days. Our little funky display of holiday figures in our entryway is done. Our decorations are nothing compared to what I see friends post on Facebook or what you can find on Pinterest. That’s OK. It’s ours. And when I get to doing the tree ornaments, hanging the few handcrafted ones my adult daughters made when they were little kids will bring a smile to my face!

I put together my gift list for shopping and have one more present to buy. I mailed the out-of-town gifts to arrive in time.

My husband and I are practicing four choir pieces for our Christmas Eve church service. As part of the glee club in our community, we did three performances of the holiday concert a week ago. My favorite pieces from that program were Prayer for Shalom and Peace, Peace. Music truly is good for the spirit!

This season should be a time of joy yet for many it is a difficult time of grieving, especially when it’s the “first” holiday without a loved one. And for people who shop for a lot of gifts and people hosting family or friends, it can become a very stressful time.

I’ve written a few blogs over the years during the holidays that are worth revisiting. Here are excerpts from a few of them:

Holidays aren’t fa-la-la for everyone

As you celebrate the joy and wonder of this holiday season, make room for those who are grieving. Find kindness in your heart for all around you but give special support and love to those who may need it the most at this time of the year. If you have experienced loss, let those close to you surround you with their love. Continue reading →

Grief and loss during the holidays

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In this Season of Gratitude as we celebrate holidays with family and friends, I am mindful that it can be a very difficult time for people who are grieving. A particular holiday song can be a trigger, decorations can be a trigger, just about anything can be a trigger. Whether it’s been a few weeks or many years since losing a loved one, holiday times can be especially difficult.

Being mindful of what others may be experiencing is so important. I won’t pretend to be an expert in helping people process their grief, but I have certainly experienced it this year with family members. Being aware of what they are going through, letting them talk openly about it, and just listening is my best advice. There are no right words.

While social media can be a pit of negativity, there are also bright spots of inspiration and positive messaging. I saw something on Facebook recently and shared it with my sister whose husband passed away in September. Healing Hugs (a non-profit organization that helps support parents who have lost children) shared these words from Angela Miller, founder of the grief organization, A Bed for My Heart:

There are no rules for surviving holiday grief.

Do what you need to do to survive.

Honor your loved one how you need to, and do what feels best for your fragile, aching heart.

You are missing a huge piece of you, so do whatever you need to do to find a sliver of peace.

I also saw something shared on Facebook about holiday host etiquette from Sarah Nannen who writes about the paradoxes we face in life, grief, motherhood, and our shared humanity:

If you’re inviting someone to your home and they’re grieving, be sure you’re inviting their grief to attend, too. It will be there, anyway.

Don’t invite someone with the goal of cheering them up for the holidays. Don’t expect them to put on a happy face in your home. Don’t demand they fake it til they make it or do something they don’t want to do, either.

Invite them with the loving intention of offering cheer and companionship and unconditional care during the holidays. To do this, you will need to honor and be responsive to their needs and emotions. Continue reading →