Tag Archives: working mother

Season of Gratitude: Balancing Joy, Grief, and Stress

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I started writing this last week on a windy, rainy day from my home in southern New England. It was 61 degrees. We won’t see that temperature probably again for a few months.

Our artificial tree with lights that comes in three parts is assembled and plugged in. I’ll get to the ornaments in the next few days. Our little funky display of holiday figures in our entryway is done. Our decorations are nothing compared to what I see friends post on Facebook or what you can find on Pinterest. That’s OK. It’s ours. And when I get to doing the tree ornaments, hanging the few handcrafted ones my adult daughters made when they were little kids will bring a smile to my face!

I put together my gift list for shopping and have one more present to buy. I mailed the out-of-town gifts to arrive in time.

My husband and I are practicing four choir pieces for our Christmas Eve church service. As part of the glee club in our community, we did three performances of the holiday concert a week ago. My favorite pieces from that program were Prayer for Shalom and Peace, Peace. Music truly is good for the spirit!

This season should be a time of joy yet for many it is a difficult time of grieving, especially when it’s the “first” holiday without a loved one. And for people who shop for a lot of gifts and people hosting family or friends, it can become a very stressful time.

I’ve written a few blogs over the years during the holidays that are worth revisiting. Here are excerpts from a few of them:

Holidays aren’t fa-la-la for everyone

As you celebrate the joy and wonder of this holiday season, make room for those who are grieving. Find kindness in your heart for all around you but give special support and love to those who may need it the most at this time of the year. If you have experienced loss, let those close to you surround you with their love. Continue reading →

What advice would you give your younger self?

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I love this question. It was one of the questions for a panel I was supposed to be on this week. The NEHIMSS chapter has an annual Women in IT conference, and I was one of four invited panelists for the three-hour event. But 40 miles into my 100-mile drive to the venue, cruising fast on the freeway, my left front tire totally blew out – down to the rim. Scary yes, but I got myself over to the shoulder and called AAA. My second call was to the panel moderator explaining I wouldn’t be able to make it. An hour and a half later I was again on the road with the spare tire that is designed for maximum 50 MPH taking the back roads home to avoid freeway speeds.

I was looking forward to the event and the panel. I love sharing stories with next generation leaders so this was going to be a fun night. I was ready after the usual panel prep call to cover the range of questions we had agreed on.

While I didn’t get to do the panel, I don’t want this question to go to waste – here’s what I was ready to say when asked what advice I would give my younger self:

  • Know your big rocks – I’ve written on this in the past, “Do you know your big rocks?”. It comes from Stephen Covey and it is a spot-on analogy. Our families and closest friends are our big rocks. Don’t let all the little stuff take up your space first leaving no room for your big rocks.
  • Don’t take crap from anyone – In my 30s, two of my peer managers seemed out to get me. One even threatened me. I was the only woman on the management team for a 5-year period. After a lot of stress and wasted energy processing it all at night talking to my incredibly supportive husband, I decided enough was enough. I let our boss know what was going on and told him that I would let him know of any further incidents. He was going to have to deal with it because I couldn’t. In another situation where a male manager from another department got overly friendly with sexual advances, I reported it to compliance. Hard as reporting something may be, it is necessary to stop the behavior if you can’t stop it yourself.
  • Have a strong support system – Whether it is family or friends, everyone needs a support system they can turn to. I could tell plenty of stories about my incredibly supportive husband and how he has been there for me back when I was a young working mother in management and going to school at night for my MBA as well as the decades since (our 47th wedding anniversary is in a few weeks).
  • Accept that you can make choices – One of my staff wanted to consider coming back from maternity leave after she had her first child in a part-time role but worried about how it would stall her career. She was a project leader on a management track. We talked about her options and I encouraged her to keep in mind that she had choices. After a period of part-time work, she eventually came back full-time, picked up again in a leadership role and then had two more children a few years later. She made choices right for her and balanced growing a family with growing her career.
  • Own your own career and be open to the possibilities – Before I left my CIO position at Brigham and Women’s Hospital for a similar role at Michigan Medicine, we were going through major staffing changes in IT. My staff were concerned about their future in supporting legacy systems vs the new EHR coming in. I told them they had to own their own career and be open to the possibilities. When I make that second point now, I emphasize that there are jobs today that no one heard of 5 or 10 years ago and there will be new ones in the future we can’t even imagine now.

There you go – I had plenty more to say on the panel given the other great questions we were going to discuss but wanted to at least share this one.

And after this car experience, my parting advice is keep your AAA membership current and keep your cell phone charged.

Related Posts:

7 Ways to develop the next generation of leaders

10 tips for next generation leaders

 

Best employers for women – is your organization on the list?

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It’s Getting Harder to be a Woman in America by Claire Suddath, senior writer at Bloomberg Businessweek, is a powerful, must-read piece for anyone concerned about what is happening to women in this country.

I have long been a champion for women and a proud feminist. Doing what I can while in leadership roles to support women, not being afraid to speak out on women’s issues, and voting for candidates who are truly pro-women’s rights. I encourage you to do the same.

It was good to see the recent Becker’s story “30 hospitals, health systems and biomedical companies on Forbes’ top 100 list of best employers for women” that listed all 30 and their rank within the top 100. According to the Forbes article, “America’s Best Employers for Women”, the survey respondents were asked to rate their organizations on criteria such as working conditions, diversity and how likely they’d be to recommend their employer to others. These responses were reviewed for potential gender gaps. Female respondents were then asked to rate their employers on factors such as parental leave, discrimination and pay equity, and to nominate organizations in industries outside their own. Representation at the executive and board levels were also factored into the final score.

If your organization didn’t make the list, ask yourself what you can do. Are you in an HR leadership position and able to directly influence employee policies and benefits? Are you an IT leader who consistently creates a supportive culture and values diversity? Regardless of your position, do you help create a supportive work environment?

We’re all in this together – at home, at work, and in our communities.

Related Posts:

A step backwards

Women need male allies

Vote your values

9 articles on women and work worth your time

Family support systems: priceless

Balancing career and family

#BreakTheBias

Mentoring, role models and sometimes a little nudge

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What a pleasant surprise to be tagged in a LinkedIn post by my daughter as she shared with her network some great professional news. She just completed her Leadership & Management Certificate Program at Wharton online. I’m super proud of her! She tagged me to thank me for the “nudge”.

I remember well our “nudge” conversation back in August. I remember it more as a conversation where she asked for advice on how best to pursue her education given her current work and how her career is evolving. She has been at the same company for the past 8 years and been promoted several times – she is now Sr. Manager, Executive Communications and Administration, partnering with the CEO and executive leadership team. I would call it more of an ask for advice and get ideas/encouragement conversation.

Her discipline and persistence to get started and finish it in just 6 months is impressive – all while working full-time and as a mother of two young children. It reminds me of when I decided to get my MBA many years ago when she and her sister were young and I had a full-time management job.

I’ve talked about my two daughters in previous posts. I try to be a role model for them professionally.  I’ve given them advice as their careers have advanced and am proud to see their accomplishments. They both have a passion for their work and have received awards for leadership and innovation. As I counsel people early in their career – find your passion, be open to the possibilities, and never stop learning.

Many women describe their mothers and grandmothers as inspiring role models. Today would be my mother’s birthday. She died just shy of her 68th birthday after a short battle with cancer. She was only 42 when my father died, leaving her to raise four young children on her own. My mother was a role model for me – a strong and independent woman. Continue reading →

Holiday stress? Remember your big rocks

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It’s holiday season. Are you stressing or relaxing? Are you hosting or bringing a dish to someone’s house? Are you braving the highways or airports? Are you questioning whether you bought the right gifts canstockphoto11846362 (1) holiday stressfor all the right people? Or trying to figure out when you can possibly take time to do gift shopping. Are you arguing with family over something that later you’ll decide was stupid? So many ways to be stressed at this time of year.

And so many ways to be with people we love. On business calls this week I’ve talked with people anxiously waiting for their college age kids to return home for their holiday break, people getting ready to have housefuls of out of town relatives with them for the next week, and others who are taking their family on a ski trip for the holidays.

For me, it’s all about being with loved ones. There will be the annual Schade Family Christmas Sleepover this weekend with my two daughters and their husbands and what I fondly call the “Fab Four” – my four grandkids who range in ages from 2 to 6 years old. Yes, it will be chaotic, but fun.

There will be the Christmas day dinner at my daughter’s house an hour away with her in-law’s family. It is her first time hosting everyone on Christmas and her stress is building. 15 adults and 6 kids for dinner. She works a 12-hour shift as a nurse practitioner on Christmas Eve so she’s trying to figure out when she will get everything done and ready. We’ll get there in time to help before everyone else arrives and she and her husband can delegate any task to us that they want to.

My holiday gift shopping is done. I subscribe to the “keep it simple” approach. It’s too easy to go overboard. For each grandkid, there will be one big present to unwrap. Then each pair of siblings will get an “experience”. Choice of more gymnastics or swim lessons for one family. Annual zoo membership for the other. As one of my daughters said to me a few years ago – get them experiences, they have plenty of toys.

The stockings hung at our house will be from nana and papa, not Santa. Continue reading →

Make career choices right for you

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One of the highlights of my week was participating in an American College of Healthcare Executives (ACHE) panel series with several Boston area healthcare leaders. The panel was part of a series focused canstockphoto13994976 (1) careeron early careerists and co-sponsored by the Boston Young Healthcare Professionals (BYHP). The panel was titled “Making the Next Move: Career Positioning and Proactively Managing Your Career Development”.

We covered a range of topics – taking ownership of your own career, knowing yourself and clarifying your roadmap, the work-life balancing act, gender and cultural diversity, personal branding and using social media, and generational differences.

Ted Witherell, Director of Organization Development and Learning Services, at Partners Healthcare was one of the other panelists. He posed three key questions when thinking about your career:

  • What brings you joy?
  • Are you good at it?
  • Does the world need you to do it?

These questions seemed to resonate with the audience. They came up often during the Q&A period as attendees sought to connect the experiences and advice being shared by the panelists with their own situations.

As the only woman on the five-member panel, I wanted to make sure I spoke directly to the women in the audience on challenges women face. At times, one of those challenges is having self-confidence. I encouraged everyone to check out the excellent article from a few years ago, “The Confidence Gap” by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman published in The Atlantic. I highly recommend reading it to understand that “success correlates just as closely with confidence as it does with competence” and “that with work, confidence can be acquired”.

I also addressed the work-life balance that we all struggle with. Continue reading →

What can we learn from women in leadership?

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It’s been almost four years since I started speaking and writing openly about the challenges facing women at work, the importance of developing women leaders, and encouraging women to pursue STEM careers. canstockphoto7990695 (1) women leadersI have no regrets about being outspoken on women’s issues.

It is encouraging to see organizations like CHIME and HIMSS focus on this in recent years and to see so many younger women share their own stories and provide advice to others.

I was happy to see the recent four-part series that Kate Gamble, Managing Editor of HealthSystemCIO.com, did on Women in HIT leadership.  She interviewed an excellent group of women leaders – Sarah Richardson, California market CIO for HealthCare Partners; Tressa Springmann, SVP and CIO at LifeBridge Health; and Julie Bonello, CIO at Rush Health.

The series covered all the topics you might expect: their early leadership experiences and stories, core leadership competencies needed, the importance and challenge of maintaining work/life balance and supporting your teams, stereotypes of women leaders, the power and importance of mentoring, and learning from male dominated environments.

Their experiences, insight, and advice provide a rich set of lessons to learn from. I highly recommend you read or listen to the series at these links:

Women in HIT Leadership, Part 1: Identifying the Core Leadership Skills

Women in HIT Leadership, Part 2: Challenging Gender Stereotypes

Women in HIT Leadership, Part 3: The Future of the CIO Role

Women in HIT Leadership, Part 4: A Call to Action

In the closing comments of Part 4, Sarah says she is optimistic about the future for women but knows it is up to us as women leaders to make change happen. She quotes Sheryl Sandberg from Lean In, “If not you, then who?” and “If not now, then when?”. And Tressa talks about leading with grace in spite of the obstacles women face. Continue reading →

Family first

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With a family vacation in our future that includes four grandkids between 2 and 5 years old, I am reminded who my big rocks are. While there may be times that vacation week when the level of chaos is more than I want, just being able to spend extended time together will be worth it.

I executed a new master plan two years ago that included living close to my daughters and their families. Since then I have had a chance to spend far more time with them than when I lived and worked halfway across the country.

I hope you all know who your big rocks are. And more importantly, that you make time to spend with them.

With that in mind, I’m sharing the “Do you know your big rocks?”  post I published in April two years ago.

Do you know your big rocks?

April is a mixed month for me. No, I’m not talking about the fact that we had snow this week. In April, I celebrate many happy milestones, including my birthday and my wedding anniversary. Andcanstockphoto25793802 now, both my daughters have April wedding anniversaries. And the blooming daffodils along the road remind me that spring is finally here. 

Yet, there is always a sad part of April for me. My father died from Hodgkin’s disease on April 23rd, just a few days before my fourth birthday. Losing a parent as a child leaves a hole in your heart and shapes who you are.

Stephen Covey has a great story about “big rocks”. If you’re not familiar with it, just google it. Our families are our big rocks and my daughters remind me of that. And as little as they are, my grandchildren are also big rocks for me.  Every time one of my daughters calls me on FaceTime and I see a cute little toddler smiling at me from my iPhone, I fall in love with them all over again. Continue reading →

The silence breakers, long overdue

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It’s been boiling for years, decades. It’s been in the headlines for months. This week Time Magazine recognized the enormity of this sea change and named the women they call “the silence breakers” as canstock120817 girl powerPerson of the Year. Women who have come forward and named the men who have sexually harassed and abused them. And Time did not forget those still too afraid to speak out.

I started a blog post a few weeks ago that I was going to call “I believe the women”.  But I was unsure how to approach the topic, and I set it aside and covered other subjects. I had commented on the topic when the Harvey Weinstein story was breaking in October in my post, “Time to support, not harass women”. This week, I  have decided to write about three unique programs that are committed to developing girls and women.

The sea change or watershed moment, as news commentators call it these days, is long overdue. And it is not over. It has just begun. There will be more women speaking out, more denials, and ultimately more men facing up to what they have done. More industries and sectors  will be affected, although Hollywood and politicians will be the most talked about stories.

Let’s advance this sea change by talking about ways to develop strong girls and women. Let’s provide them with every opportunity they deserve in a society that treats them equally and with respect.  Sticking with that theme, here are those three programs I mentioned:

Girls, Inc. is a national program which inspires all girls to be “strong, smart, and bold”. I recently learned about it at the CHIME Fall Forum in San Antonio. The Women of CHIME group hosted a session titled “Breaking Down Barriers and Paving the Way”. The program featured Lea Rosenauer, President and CEO of Girls Inc. of San Antonio. She discussed issues that prevent women from career advancement and suggested  strategies to get women into leadership roles. Continue reading →

Time to support, not harass women

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With the latest sexual harassment and abuse stories in the news, I am reminded once again how important it is for women to speak up. We need to encourage women and girls to pursue their dreams, canstockphoto13989561and support them when they face obstacles.

Like other women leaders, I try to be a role model for young women in all that I say and do. I try to speak up and take on the tough issues that women face in the work world. I encourage young women to figure out who is on their “team you”. And most importantly, I tell them not to put up with crap, from anyone.

I have written many posts over the past few years on women and work and done several talks focused on encouraging and developing women.

Here are some of those posts that you might find useful and maybe even inspiring these days:

Yes we can: women in health IT

Powerful women and their path to success

Investing in the success of others

Equal pay, who can argue?

#ILookLikeAnEngineer

Balancing career and family

I challenge you to look at your own practices and ensure you are doing all you can to support women in your organization so they are comfortable speaking up, able to overcome obstacles they face, and can actually thrive and advance.