Tag Archives: family

With gratitude – yes, even in 2020

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Difficult as 2020 has been, it is my hope that each of us can find something to be grateful for this Thanksgiving. If you have lost a loved one to COVID, I know that no words can take away your pain and grief. If you are a “long hauler”, I hope that you are finding support from others as you navigate your ongoing health issues. If you have lost your employment due to the economic downturn, I hope you are finding support from your network to find a new job.

Many times, during the past 9 months I have said to my family and friends – I can’t complain, I’m healthy and alive. I never really felt my age, but since March I have been reminded that I am an “elder”. I am overall healthy with no underlying conditions but I’m in that over 65 group. My husband is 4 years older than me and does have some medical conditions. We have been mask wearers since mid-March and do our best to minimize our risks.

I have much to be grateful for. Healthcare workers caring for COVID patients on the front lines and scientists working to develop a vaccine. All those who support them in ways we see and don’t see. And yes, that includes the IT and HTM teams in every health system who provide solutions and systems that the clinicians depend on.

I am also grateful for all the essential workers – at the grocery store, providing public transportation, delivering packages, and the police and firefighters who protect us.

My family are my big rocks. And that has never been truer than this year. I am eternally grateful for them. Continue reading →

Well past time to support our healthcare workers

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Any graph or heat map you look at, one thing is obvious – the coronavirus is out of control and spreading rapidly. New coronavirus cases have jumped by more than a third in the U.S. over the past seven days, according to data from Johns Hopkins University, the fastest pace since late March. Every day since Election Day, more than 100,000 people in the country have tested positive for the virus with a daily record of over 187,957 new cases last Friday per Worldometers.info. We went from 10 million new cases to 11 million in just one week. And we have lost over 250,000 lives.

We saw heartbreaking stories on the news from ICUs in the Northeast during March and April. Then stories from southern states. And now from hospitals in the Midwest. But when you look at the heat maps, the virus is everywhere now.

Listen to any healthcare worker and one more thing is obvious – they are exhausted and burning out. They tell story after story of how hard it is to work 12- and 18-hour shifts caring for COVID patients only to drive home past crowded bars.

We have seen exhausted physicians and nurses share their stories for months. I cannot tell their stories, but I can share them. And I can encourage you to do the same. But more importantly, I can encourage you to take the basic steps needed at this point – messages we have all heard for nearly 9 months now – wear a mask, socially distance, and wash your hands frequently.

This virus is not a hoax. It is not something you can ignore or deny. A story from a nurse in the Dakotas is the latest to go viral. She describes patients who yell at her and say she does not need to wear PPE because they don’t have COVID, right up until they are intubated.

Our healthcare workers truly are heroes, but they are at a breaking point. Our hospitals are at or nearing capacity. There are over 73,000 people hospitalized with COVID, another record since the pandemic started. Field hospitals are opening again in many states. Continue reading →

The healing power of humanity

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This is one of those weeks where I struggle for the right words. We are all in wait mode. Regardless of the outcome of the election, our nation needs healing. Your relationships with family members, friends or colleagues may be strained as the divisiveness of recent years has grown during this election cycle.

In health care, we focus on healing and take care of everyone regardless of their politics. For inspiration, the words this week from two national healthcare leaders are worth sharing.

Michael Dowling, CEO of Northwell Health, penned a very powerful piece in Becker’s Hospital Review on November 4 titled, “Look to healthcare to remember what decency means”. He calls on leaders to focus on decency saying, “Considering the contentious rhetoric we have witnessed at the highest levels of government throughout this past election season, now is the time for leaders to emphasize decency as the most important trait any one person can exhibit in their organization.” He talks about how our collective sense of decency has been violated saying, “The end result is a pervasive lack of trust, respect and empathy that prevents us from getting anything done. To solve any problems in healthcare or in broader society, we need to reclaim the value of decency and civility.” In a year that has been incredibly demanding and stressful for healthcare professionals everywhere, he closes with, “In healthcare, our care teams have been role models of decency, and our nation would benefit from a closer study of them.”

Lloyd Dean, CEO of CommonSpirit Health, published a short article on November 4 titled, “We Made Our Voices Heard”. Speaking of the 150,000 people who make up CommonSpirit, he says “We believe in the healing power of humanity, and we are called to heal our patients, our communities, and our country in every way we can.” In his closing words, he calls us all to come together: “Even though we don’t yet have all of the election results, and regardless of how you feel about the outcome, I encourage us to all consider how we can reveal the best of humanity during this moment. Let us empathize with those whose perspectives are different from ours. Let us show others how to bridge our differences and find common ground. Let us help our children and our neighbors feel enthusiastic and empowered to make our world a better place. Most of all, let us always show kindness and respect for one another as we seek to move forward as a country, together.”

Be kind, respectful, and decent to one another in the days ahead.

When healthcare becomes personal

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When you get a call that your husband has been taken to the ER by ambulance, it is hard not to think the worst. I got that call last Wednesday. The good news is that by late Friday night Tom was OK’d for discharge from the hospital. But we still do not have the answers needed. More tests and results should help us better understand what happened and why it happened so together with his PCP and specialists we can develop a go forward plan.

I have worked in healthcare for over 35 years. Our family has dealt with various minor health issues and been able to access the best healthcare available. I have the utmost respect and gratitude for health professionals and all they do.

Through this experience I have seen healthcare through the patient and family lens in a different way. I have several takeaways worth sharing.

Emergency resources – Know when to call your PCP, go to the nearest urgent care center, call 911 or head right to the hospital ER. Minutes can matter.

Friends and family – I can’t say enough here. Tom was visiting a friend when the incident started. She took him to the closest Urgent Care, they called an ambulance fairly quickly and he was taken to the closest ER. The friend reached out to another friend thinking that person might know how to contact me. Fortunately, he did. We are setting up the Emergency Contact feature on our phones for the future. On the first call with the ED physician, I did a 3-way with my daughter who is a nurse practitioner. I wanted her in the loop from the start – to help interpret what I was being told, help educate me, and advocate for Tom.

Clinician in the family – If you are fortunate as we are to have a clinician in your family, let them help you. They are invaluable. Listen to them, loop them in on calls to ask all the right questions, and let them educate you. Our daughter spent ½ hour on the phone with the attending physician before Tom was discharged while I drove to get him. She then explained it all to me and started doing more research on her own.

Accessible and Integrated EHR – Now we are in my domain. Continue reading →

A different kind of summer comes to an end

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If you were a fan of Downton Abbey and remember the Maggie Smith character, the Dowager Countess of Grantham, you may even recall how she said in her aristocratic way, “What is this thing you call a weekend?”. For the landed gentry of England who didn’t work, what did a weekend mean? For those of you working from home, dealing first with home schooling and then kids on summer break, and with vacation trips cancelled, you may ask the same question. But it’s because every day seems to run into the next during this pandemic.

As we approach the final summer holiday and three-day weekend we know as Labor Day, hopefully you won’t have to “labor” but can actually take a break. In the health systems I worked at, August was the big vacation month – especially in the academic medical centers. When I was CIO at Brigham and Women’s Hospital, one of my VP colleagues would remind us that after Labor Day it is a sprint until the holidays in December. He’d say let your family know how busy you’ll be and be sure to take a break in August somehow.

With a trip to Disney with grandkids and a European trip cancelled this year, my husband and I feel like one day just rolls into the next as I’m sure many of you do. I’ve written in the past about the importance of making time to reboot and the 6 R’s of summer. But this year is different. I only hope that all of you and especially those on the front lines of this pandemic have found time for a much needed and well-deserved break, somewhere, somehow.

If you are feeling overwhelmed at times, this article by Tara Haelle may resonate with you – “Your ‘Surge Capacity’ Is Depleted — It’s Why You Feel Awful”. It describes our personal “surge capacity” and how to manage through these times. Continue reading →

Vote your values

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My mother was just a little girl when women in this country won the right to vote in 1920. Her mother raised her to be a strong and independent woman. And in turn she raised my sister, two brothers, and me to not only be strong and independent but also to be kind and caring. We learned early on about social justice and equality. My sister and I came of age during the women’s movement in the late 1960s and early 1970s. We each have two daughters. Along with our husbands, we raised them to be strong, independent, kind, and caring women.

This week marks the centennial anniversary of women having the right to vote. The passage of the 19th amendment guaranteed and protected women’s constitutional right to vote. But this right did not come easy. The suffrage movement dates to the 1848 Seneca Falls Convention, the first women’s rights convention that passed a resolution in favor of women’s suffrage. A women’s right to vote came only after the suffragists organized for decades, marched in the streets, and were arrested. But they persisted and finally succeeded 70 years later.

This week also marks another historic first. Senator Kamala Harris is the first woman of color to be nominated for the second highest office in our country by a major political party.

White men are 31% of the U.S. population but hold 65% of elected offices. White men have long governed and made policy decisions affecting all of us. There continue to be record numbers of women running for office at local, state, and national levels. The face of government is changing. It is looking more like all of us and therefore more representative.

The right to vote is a fundamental right of a free society. Voter suppression is real and takes various forms. This is the time to be informed – know the rules and deadlines in your state. Make sure you are registered. Know your options for mail-in or in-person voting. Exercise your right. Live your values.

As I walk my neighborhood 3-4 miles a day, I see many yard signs for candidates in advance of a local primary in September. I expect to see yard signs for the November 3rd election soon. But the yard signs that have the greatest impact are the ones that express the values and beliefs of the people who live there – the ones that say:

We Believe: Black Lives Matter — No Human is Illegal — Love is Love — Women’s Rights are Human Rights — Science is Real — Water is Life — Kindness is Everything — Injustice Anywhere Is a Threat to Justice Everywhere

Vote on November 3rd or before if you can. Vote your values – for you and generations to come. 

Resources: 

When We All Vote

Fair Fight

Physical distancing: finding our way

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We saw our grandkids again on Sunday. A small family get together for Father’s Day and our youngest grandchild’s 4th birthday. As we all find our way and do our best to minimize our risks of COVID-19, being able to hug my grandkids brings me great joy and is one of the things I have missed the most these past few months.

There is a reason many people want to refer to this new practice as physical distancing, not social distancing. We need each other. Social isolation is not healthy. Technology has helped but it is not the same. Just ask someone who said their final goodbye to a loved one on FaceTime or Zoom.

Living in Rhode Island, my husband and I have taken the shutdown very seriously. Governor Gina Raimondo got ahead of it early with the shutdown order and then a slow, phased reopening. From mid-March until a few weeks ago, we have mostly stayed home except for the weekly groceries, a few trips to the garden nursery and Home Depot, the occasional takeout order, and the daily dog walks.

We limited family visits to outside spaces at our homes at a distance and no hugs. We are gradually loosening up on the hugs. As we all learn more about how the virus is transmitted, spending time with close family who have also been strict during this period seems reasonable.

My 4-year-old grandson first told me back in April on a family Zoom session that he was going to have a birthday parade, no gifts, and a small cake only for his mom, dad, and sister. It was sad to hear him explain this at such a young age but I thought it was probably a reasonable plan. The idea of a parade was exciting to him. But two months later we decided it was ok to do the backyard immediate family only gathering, which was 12 adults and the 4 young cousins, aged 4 through 7. The grandkids gave us hugs and briefly sat on our laps. It was good to not feel like we were all radioactive.

The slow opening of our own circles is a challenge we all must deal with. I do not take this virus lightly. I read a lot and listen to many interviews and podcasts with experts. I try to be as informed as possible about the science. And I take cues from my sister who has a public health background and my daughter who is an NP and has cared for COVID-19 patients in Boston. Continue reading →

Gratitude at a difficult time

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As the weeks of staying at home roll into months, I have nothing to complain about. We can do this. We have to do this. As some of the toughest weeks are yet to come, it is a good time to practice both positivity and gratitude. What I’m grateful for:

A child’s sidewalk art found on recent dog walk.

  • The doctors and nurses on the front line fighting this invisible virus, risking exposure themselves while caring with compassion for their patients.
  • The healthcare staff throughout our hospitals who support those clinicians.
  • The workers at every step of the food supply chain.
  • The truck drivers and delivery drivers moving needed goods.
  • The police and fire departments and other city workers keeping us safe.
  • The health experts who are telling it like it is.
  • The researchers and scientists who are working hard on testing, treatments and a vaccine.
  • The government officials who are leading based on facts and protecting their citizens.
  • The manufacturers who have pivoted to make needed supplies for our hospitals.
  • The health technology companies rolling out solutions for hospitals to manage during this crisis.
  • The journalists who are keeping us informed and searching for truth.
  • The technology and infrastructure that allows us to work from home and stay virtually connected.

And on the personal front, I’m grateful that:

  • I can stay connected virtually with my family and friends
  • I have a daughter who lives close enough to help do grocery delivery, so we only have to go out to walk the dogs and get exercise
  • My soulmate, Tom, and I will celebrate 44 years of marriage this week. I wouldn’t want to be staying at home with anyone else!

The growing number of COVID-19 cases and deaths is truly numbing. It makes us want to turn the news off. But remember that each of them is a person, with a family and a story.

May you find much to be grateful for as together we get through this crisis and do your part to flatten the curve.

Taking stock – goals for your next decade

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January 1, 2020 marks more than just another new year, it marks a new decade. And a good time to take stock.

What are your personal highlights of the past decade? What does the new decade hold for you? Are you living the life you want to live?

I have never been a “bucket list” kind of person, but I did set four big, broad goals for myself early in this decade. They involved family, work, travel, and friends.

My family goal involved grandkids that weren’t yet born. I told my husband that I wanted to spend a lot of time with my grandkids if I was fortunate enough to have them someday. That someday came for us four times between 2012 and 2016. Happy to say, I’m meeting my family goals. Once we had grandkids, there was no question I wanted to make the changes needed to live near them so I could see them often. We made the move back to New England in 2016 and it was one of our best decisions ever. They are now 7, 5, almost 5, and 3 ½. I fondly call them the “Fab Four” and we see them often.

That decision to move was tightly coupled with a major career decision. Leaving a fulltime position as a healthcare CIO to start down a path of interim management, consulting and leadership coaching. It’s a decision I have never regretted as I now have more control and flexibility in my career and work. This period has included launching and growing a successful health IT advisory firm, StarBridge Advisors, with two colleagues for the past 3 years. Continue reading →

Holidays aren’t fa-la-la for everyone

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In past holiday seasons I’ve written about managing stress and remembering your big rocks, STEM gifts for kids, and girl power gifts. What to say that is new and different? Not to be a downer, but this year I want to comment on loss.

My husband and I visited Washington DC the past several days for a mini vacation. We saw two excellent plays, went to a holiday choral concert, and spent a day touring the Capitol including visits to both the house and senate galleries. We visited several museums, saw the lights at the national zoo, shopped at the holiday market, and had several delicious meals. And after 43 years of marriage, we continued to enjoy each other’s company everywhere where we went.

But of all those outings, what struck me the deepest was the Judy Chicago exhibit at the National Museum of Women in the Arts called “The End: A Meditation on Death and Extinction”. The artist who is famous for her feminist and minimalist art turned 80 this year. In her words, she has been thinking a lot about her own mortality. While the doctors and nurses I know may be more used to dealing with mortality, it is a subject most of us try to avoid thinking about.

This powerful art exhibit is divided into three sections. The first depicts the five stages of grief – denial, anger, negotiation, grieving and acceptance. The second begins with a sculpture of an older deceased woman clearly at peace followed by pieces that speculated on how the artist herself would die – in peace, in pain, or you can imagine. The third was about extinct species – a very powerful message in a different way forcing the viewer to think about how we are slowly destroying wildlife through our actions and inaction.

I know several people who have lost someone they loved dearly this past year. Some said goodbye to elder parents and grandparents after long illnesses. Others in my circle of friends and family had more sudden and unexpected losses – a beloved spouse, a parent, a brother, a sister, a child. Many people say the first holiday season after losing a loved one is the hardest. I have no doubt about it.

As you celebrate the joy and wonder of this holiday season, make room for those who are grieving. Find kindness in your heart for all around you but give special support and love to those who may need it the most at this time of the year. If you have experienced loss, let those close to you surround you with their love.

May your holiday season and new year be one of peace, health and happiness.

Related Post:

Do you know your big rocks?