Tag Archives: family

The Next Chapter: Smarter Aging for You, Your Family, and Your Future

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I’ve been thinking about aging a lot lately. Birthdays are coming up for my husband and me – neither of us is getting any younger. Friends my age are losing older spouses. Friends my age are dealing with health issues of spouses. And younger friends are dealing with health issues of their elder parents. Extended family members are considering what level of services they may have to arrange in the near future or move into a more age-friendly situation.

And then there are the uncertainties surrounding Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid facing all of us. Not to mention the stock market.

Last week I wrote about the importance of social connection – especially as we age.

59 million people in the U.S. are 65 or older. Based on personal experience and decades working in healthcare, here is some advice on aging whether it applies to you or a loved one:

    • Keep active mentally and physically. Maintain social connections with family and friends. Embed yourself in a community to avoid isolation. Develop a new hobby that involves learning something new to avoid stagnation. Make it something you can do for years to come.
    • Be your own advocate with your healthcare providers or find a family member to help advocate for you.
    • If you have a clinician in the family, listen to them. They can advise and help interpret what might seem like confusing and overwhelming medical information.
    • If you have a non-clinician in the family who works in healthcare and knows how to navigate to get access to the right kind of care and specialists, let them help you.
    • Plan ahead and talk with your family about your plans. Make a retirement aging plan. Outline the decision points – for example, what would be the trigger that it’s time to move out of your house or apartment and into a care facility or to have services come to you. Maybe it is when you are unable to do stairs, have a significant fall risk, or are unable to do activities of daily living (ADL). Avoid having a reactive approach. Make the necessary changes when you want to and can, not when you are forced to.
    • Recognize when it is time to give up the big, too much to maintain, multi-story single family home you raised your family in for something smaller, simpler with single floor living.
    • Recognize when you need help and get it. It may mean having services come into your home or moving into a Continuing Care Retirement Community (CCRC) where you can progress from independent living, to assisted living, to memory care if needed, to skilled nursing care.
    • If you have family members who can help you with aging members of your family, figure out how everyone can play a role whether they live locally or not.
    • If you are a caregiver for a loved one, recognize when you need the help of others or services in your home.
    • Lastly, hospice is not just about the final days of life. There are varying levels of hospice care to consider and make use of when the time comes.

As for my husband and me, we moved from a big single-family home into a townhouse neighborhood in a planned community a few years ago. It is a multi-level townhouse with a master bedroom and bath on the first floor. How we use our upper and lower levels today (office space, guest bedroom, art studio, and family room) can change if stairs become difficult at some point. We will still have a guest bedroom for family and friends to visit and a family room for the grandkids to play in.

We have a will and family trust setup. We have advanced directives. We invested in long-term care insurance decades ago. We plan to review all this and our overall financial assets with our daughters in the near future so they are fully aware and don’t have to worry.

Do we have more planning to do? Yes. We will do it together and proactively in the years to come.

Related Post:

Fostering Social Connection for Health and Well-being

 

Fostering Social Connection for Health and Well-Being

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Relationships and human connection matters. Whether it’s a best friend / BFF, a close work colleague, a neighbor, a roommate, or a long-term committed spouse or partner, relationships do matter. And they take time to develop, nurture and sustain.

Vivek H. Murthy, MD, former Surgeon General from 2015 to 2017 and again from 2021 to 2025, spoke at the HIMSS19 CIO Forum on the prevalence of loneliness in our society and its devastating impacts on health. His 2023 book, “Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World”, makes a compelling case that loneliness is a public health concern and offers inspiring stories of how individuals and communities are helping people realize they are not alone.

In 2023, HHS published “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation – The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community”. In Dr. Murthy’s opening letter of the publication, he said:

“Each of us can start now, in our own lives, by strengthening our connections and relationships. Our individual relationships are an untapped resource – a source of healing hiding in plain sight. They can help us live healthier, more productive, and more fulfilled lives. Answer that phone call from a friend. Make time to share a meal. Listen without the distraction of your phone. Perform an act of service. Express yourself authentically. The keys to human connection are simple, but extraordinarily powerful.”

My husband and I have lived in 7 different cities since we first met. That means many different jobs, neighborhoods and church communities.  I envy people who have close friends that go all the way back to grade school or high school. Continue reading →

Season of Gratitude: Balancing Joy, Grief, and Stress

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I started writing this last week on a windy, rainy day from my home in southern New England. It was 61 degrees. We won’t see that temperature probably again for a few months.

Our artificial tree with lights that comes in three parts is assembled and plugged in. I’ll get to the ornaments in the next few days. Our little funky display of holiday figures in our entryway is done. Our decorations are nothing compared to what I see friends post on Facebook or what you can find on Pinterest. That’s OK. It’s ours. And when I get to doing the tree ornaments, hanging the few handcrafted ones my adult daughters made when they were little kids will bring a smile to my face!

I put together my gift list for shopping and have one more present to buy. I mailed the out-of-town gifts to arrive in time.

My husband and I are practicing four choir pieces for our Christmas Eve church service. As part of the glee club in our community, we did three performances of the holiday concert a week ago. My favorite pieces from that program were Prayer for Shalom and Peace, Peace. Music truly is good for the spirit!

This season should be a time of joy yet for many it is a difficult time of grieving, especially when it’s the “first” holiday without a loved one. And for people who shop for a lot of gifts and people hosting family or friends, it can become a very stressful time.

I’ve written a few blogs over the years during the holidays that are worth revisiting. Here are excerpts from a few of them:

Holidays aren’t fa-la-la for everyone

As you celebrate the joy and wonder of this holiday season, make room for those who are grieving. Find kindness in your heart for all around you but give special support and love to those who may need it the most at this time of the year. If you have experienced loss, let those close to you surround you with their love. Continue reading →

Embracing life’s fragility: personal connections and enduring friendships

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It’s been several weeks since I last wrote. In my last post I talked about cultivating your professional network and the give and take of relationships. In this post, personal connections and friendships are top of mind.

Shortly after my last blog post, I had a lovely 2-week vacation with my sister and my husband traveling the varied beauty of California from the ocean to the giant sequoias to the canyons and mountains. My sister’s husband passed away two years ago, and we have become her favorite travel buddies. This is the second year that the three of us have taken a trip together. Any time we spend together is a treasure.

But my West Coast vacation ended on a sad note. I added a few extra days to my trip so I could attend a memorial service in the Northwest for a good friend who had died unexpectedly a month earlier. She was a friend we didn’t see or talk to often but when we did, our close friendship with her and her husband picked up easily where it had last left off.

There is nothing like a memorial service and talking with a grieving family to cause deep reflection and introspection about one’s own mortality and to remind us what really matters in life.

My drive from the airport to the town they live in was a 2-hour drive through a beautiful part of Washington state. I had plenty of time each way in the car alone to reflect on life. While my husband and I have joked about making sure I know all the passwords if something happens to him, the sudden and unexpected loss of a loved one is anything but a joke. It rips your heart out and leaves you and your family devastated. But time heals. And you carry on. And that’s what my friend and his family are doing, hard as it is. They have lost a spouse, a mother, a grandmother, a daughter and a sister. They have lost one of their “big rocks”.

I’ve written about “big rocks” a few times in the past. We need to know who they are and put them ahead of all the little rocks and distractions that take our time and energy. We need to live life to the fullest and love deeply those who matter most to us. And we need to be kind to all who cross our path. As the family eulogies at the memorial service pointed out, we will be remembered not for what we did or accomplished but for the kind of person we were and how we made others feel.

Related Posts:

Do you know your big rocks?

Take time to reboot

Time to stop and smell the roses

Time to stop and smell the roses – part 2

Timeboxing: balancing work and vacation without the stress

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I’ve written a few times over the years about the importance of taking vacations, having true down time, and the elusive work-life balance. Talking with one of my mentees this morning and one of my daughters last night, I was reminded of how important vacations and time away from work can be. Especially for young families where working parents are constantly on the go between their work, their kids’ activities, and basic home life. Packing and getting ready for vacation both at work and at home becomes one more stressor.

I’m a big proponent of taking a vacation where you shut work off completely and let others cover for you and delegate as much as possible. But I know that’s not always possible. And shutting off completely may cause some people even more anxiety. My approach and advice in those situations are to “timebox” an email session each morning (30-60 minutes max) before everyone else gets going for the day. Review the high priority/time sensitive emails and respond only if required. At a minimum, by reading them you will be aware of what’s happening. Don’t get into an email exchange that will carry into the day. Ignore the non-urgent or non-important ones. Delete what you can.

With you and your colleagues taking vacations at different times over the summer months, it can be difficult to keep certain projects and initiatives moving forward. Try not to have everyone dependent on you such that something must come to a halt until you return. In healthcare, we can’t shut the organization down for a week while everyone takes a vacation. I can understand why small companies who can do just that in fact do it – often around July 4th or between end of year holidays.

On this eve of July 4th, while I watch the news and worry about our democracy, I wish you all a happy and safe July 4th weekend and a fabulous summer vacation whenever you decide to take it!

Related Posts:

Vacation season reminders for a more balanced life

The 6 Rs of summer

4 tips when you must work on vacation

Take time to reboot

Fulfilling life goals and bucket list dreams

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I don’t have a bucket list. But I did set four big broad life goals for myself about 10 years ago. They are doing work I like at a more manageable pace, travelling more, spending time with family, and having fun friends that I spend time with. Happy to say, I’m meeting these goals fairly well at this point.

My sister does have a bucket list. About 6 months after she lost her husband to cancer last year, she was still trying to figure out how much travel she was willing to do with family and friends. She mentioned to my husband and I that seeing the national parks was on her bucket list. My husband jumped on the idea and proposed a multi-week road trip itinerary to three parks – Yellowstone, Grand Tetons, and Glacier. My sister was in! Together they worked out the details and booked all the places we’ll stay – whether it’s one night while continuing to our park destinations or several nights near each of those parks.

That trip is happening now. My sister has been my best friend for as long as I can remember – she is only 16 months older than me. My husband and I have been best friends since the mid-1970s. I know the three of us will have a great time with lots of laughs and deep conversations as we traverse the miles together and take in the incredible scenery. She can check it off her bucket list and I’ll be meeting two of my big goals. Nothing wrong with that!

There is no “so what” to this post other than to encourage you to stay focused on your bucket list or life goals. I wish you all a happy end to the summer and hope you too have carved out some time for R&R with family and friends these past few months.

Related Posts:

Vacation season reminders for a more balanced life

4 tips when you must work on vacation

Take time to reboot

Do you know your big rocks?

The 6 R’s of summer

Nana Camp Chronicles: year 2 insights and adventures

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We held our second Nana Camp last week. Given how well it went (despite my husband and I being exhausted by Friday night), I think we’ll make it an annual event in the summer. Last year I wrote about our first one in my post “Leadership lessons from nana camp”. The rules we agreed on (pictured in that post) hung on our refrigerator until a few months ago when my husband went on a purging spree. Good thing I have a record here so we could revisit and decide on new/revised rules for this year.

Two (ages 10 and 8) of the four grandkids had their first away/overnight camps this year having attended Girl Scout camp. So, they came to Nana Camp with a new perspective. My daughter suggested that the 10-year-old could be a Counselor in Training (CIT) when we were last together as a family on Father’s Day. I wasn’t quite ready for that but I’m a fan of delegation! Not sure what a CIT would mean for us but as a start that day, she wrote down the list of ideas for this year and what they liked from last year. That list of course was put on the refrigerator door. We used it at our camp “orientation” session Monday morning to plan and vote on activities for the week.

The other two (ages 8 and 7) have been to day camps that are mornings only and gotten used to making their own lunches at home while their parents work in their home offices. Love hearing that! Means they all are capable of it and that I could expect them to do more for themselves at breakfast and lunch.

Together on Monday we agreed on activities for the week and what the rules would be. We also talked about their lessons from last year – mainly not to have stupid fights about everything – who sits by who at dinner, who sits by who in the car, who gets the first shower, who walks which dog – you get it! And of course, they are one year older and that much more mature!

Here is this year’s complete list of rules – a slight variation on last year with few additions: Continue reading →

Lessons from Succession: What not to do as a leader

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I recently wrote a blog post called “Ted Lasso leadership lessons”. If you were a fan of the Ted Lasso series, you can readily see there were many lessons to be learned. Another popular series, Succession, wrapped up around the same time. I wasn’t sure how I could comment on leadership lessons from that series as there didn’t seem to be any characters that you would want to model. But there were plenty of lessons on what not to do as a leader.

Others have figured out what to say about Succession leadership lessons, so I’ll share the insights from one of them. A Forbes article on June 26th by Robert Pearl, MD, titled “5 Fatal Flaws Of Healthcare Leaders: Inspired By HBO’s ‘Succession’” describes five dysfunctional leadership styles to avoid based on some of the lead characters. In his words:

  1. Delusional leaders overestimate their abilities. Their ideas are unrealistic and their vision for the future: pure fiction.
  2. Narcissistic leaders bask in praise and blind loyalty. They reject and punish those who provide honest feedback and fair criticism. Their obsession with status and self-importance blinds them to long-term threats and opportunities, alike.
  3. Immature leaders get promoted before they’re primed and polished. They often lack boundaries and excel at the sport of making others uncomfortable.
  4. Political leaders are better at advancing within an organization than advancing the organization itself. Like chameleons, these leaders change with the scenery, shifting alliances and values as organizational power waxes and wanes.
  5. Compromised leaders are skilled at making promises. They seek support by vowing to fulfill wants and palliate pains.

Dr. Pearl closes the article highlighting three attributes that excellent healthcare leaders must have:

  1. Clear mission and purpose
  2. Experience and expertise
  3. Personal integrity

The third, personal integrity, is particularly critical. As Dr. Pearl says, “Everything changes when an emerging leader becomes the head of an organization and faces a crisis. As risks and pressures intensify, people tend to fall back on approaches and habits they learned in the past, particularly problematic ones.” Without being a spoiler, anyone who watched Succession can see how easily the emerging leaders fell back to their own demise.

I encourage you to read the full article but must warn you with a spoiler alert – if you haven’t seen the show but plan to watch it given all the buzz, bookmark the article to read later.  What buzz you ask? The fourth and final season just received 27 Emmy nominations with a total of 75 nominations over all the seasons.

Related Post:

Ted Lasso leadership lessons

The transformative power of bold leadership in healthcare

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With reproductive rights and LGBTQ+ rights under attack in so many states, it was good to see the Summer 2023 Issue of the Brigham magazine in the mail this week. This issue is titled “Care for Every Body – Embracing Inclusive Medicine”. As a former VP and donor to Brigham and Women’s, I receive the paper copy to read. You can access it online here.

The main articles include:

  • Sex & Gender Glossary – essential terms and definitions for understanding sex, gender, and well-being.
  • Pro-Care. Pro-Patient. – describing how the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology is working toward reproductive justice for all patients. An alarming data point: If all abortions in the U.S. were to stop, 24% more people would die from pregnancy complications and 39% more non-Hispanic Black people would die.
  • Soul Meets Body – describing how the Center for Transgender Health is breaking barriers and providing state-of-the-art, life changing care for trans and gender diverse people. An alarming data point: 46 states have proposed 491 anti-transgender laws in 2023, more than the previous four years combined.
  • Women ≠ Tiny Men – describing how physician-researchers are working to balance the scales for women’s health.

These articles and the programs described represent bold leadership in healthcare and what we should expect from healthcare providers.

Just as the Winter 2022 Issue titled “Standing Tall for Justice – Cultivating Equity and Inclusion in Medicine” was bold leadership as it covered racial equity in healthcare. And just as Michael Dowling, President and CEO at Northwell Health in New York, regularly shows us what bold leadership means. He doesn’t shy away from controversial issues as he addresses the issue of gun violence and calls for civility and decency in our public discourse.

Dr. Robert Higgins, President, Brigham and Women’s Hospital and EVP, Mass General Brigham comments in the introduction to the Summer 20223 Issue – “While forging the road toward a more inclusive healthcare systems is not an easy or immediately achievable goal, it is a vital commitment we must make. Our sense of humanity depends on it.”

Are you uncomfortable being a bold leader? Do you embrace or shy away from the DEI discussion? The DEI Committee of CHIME is hosting a webinar this Friday, June 30, at 12PM EDT that I highly recommend. It is titled “DE&I in Healthcare 2.0 – Getting Comfortable Being Uncomfortable in a Safe Space Zone”. Please follow this link to register if you want to learn how to stay DEI focused in an anti-DEI climate.

In a recent podcast interview, I was asked about some of the unique challenges and opportunities of being a CIO in the healthcare sector compared to other industries. I commented on how being in healthcare is mission driven and how we can make a difference in people’s lives. Leaders of our nation’s leading healthcare systems being willing to address the difficult issues and care for every person is one of the reasons I am passionate about working in healthcare.

What we do matters.

Related Posts:

Leadership means being bold and taking on the tough issues

Towards a more civil society

When is enough enough?

The healing power of humanity

 

Ted Lasso leadership lessons

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I was late to the “Ted Lasso” series so there were some seasons of binge watching. From its earliest days on Apple TV, I kept hearing about this show from my colleague at StarBridge Advisors, David Muntz. He loved it! My husband and I finally started watching some time last year and saw the season 3 finale last week along with all the other devoted fans.

There are so many lessons to share from this incredibly upbeat soccer coach who we came to know and love. Here are a couple pieces worth reading whether you are a fan or not – no spoilers:

If you haven’t already clicked through to the Becker’s article link above to read perspectives on the lessons from well-known healthcare leaders, please do. In the meantime, here are the lessons:

  1. Lead with empathy.
  2. Being vulnerable doesn’t make you weak.
  3. Optimism is infectious.
  4. Doing the right thing is never the wrong thing.
  5. Winning and losing aren’t everything.
  6. Optimists take more chances.
  7. Everyone differs from everyone else.
  8. Embrace change.
  9. Empowerment breeds confidence.
  10. Winning is an attitude.
  11. Humor cuts through tension.
  12. Courage is the willingness to attempt.
  13. Nobody is bigger than the team.
  14. Be self-aware and genuine. A truly authentic leader doesn’t have the time or the inclination to be anyone but themselves.
  15. Don’t dwell on mistakes or let them define you.
  16. Stay teachable.

I like all of them but 1, 4, and 13 are favorites. Continue reading →