Tag Archives: work/life balance

Season of Gratitude: Balancing Joy, Grief, and Stress

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I started writing this last week on a windy, rainy day from my home in southern New England. It was 61 degrees. We won’t see that temperature probably again for a few months.

Our artificial tree with lights that comes in three parts is assembled and plugged in. I’ll get to the ornaments in the next few days. Our little funky display of holiday figures in our entryway is done. Our decorations are nothing compared to what I see friends post on Facebook or what you can find on Pinterest. That’s OK. It’s ours. And when I get to doing the tree ornaments, hanging the few handcrafted ones my adult daughters made when they were little kids will bring a smile to my face!

I put together my gift list for shopping and have one more present to buy. I mailed the out-of-town gifts to arrive in time.

My husband and I are practicing four choir pieces for our Christmas Eve church service. As part of the glee club in our community, we did three performances of the holiday concert a week ago. My favorite pieces from that program were Prayer for Shalom and Peace, Peace. Music truly is good for the spirit!

This season should be a time of joy yet for many it is a difficult time of grieving, especially when it’s the “first” holiday without a loved one. And for people who shop for a lot of gifts and people hosting family or friends, it can become a very stressful time.

I’ve written a few blogs over the years during the holidays that are worth revisiting. Here are excerpts from a few of them:

Holidays aren’t fa-la-la for everyone

As you celebrate the joy and wonder of this holiday season, make room for those who are grieving. Find kindness in your heart for all around you but give special support and love to those who may need it the most at this time of the year. If you have experienced loss, let those close to you surround you with their love. Continue reading →

Embracing life’s fragility: personal connections and enduring friendships

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It’s been several weeks since I last wrote. In my last post I talked about cultivating your professional network and the give and take of relationships. In this post, personal connections and friendships are top of mind.

Shortly after my last blog post, I had a lovely 2-week vacation with my sister and my husband traveling the varied beauty of California from the ocean to the giant sequoias to the canyons and mountains. My sister’s husband passed away two years ago, and we have become her favorite travel buddies. This is the second year that the three of us have taken a trip together. Any time we spend together is a treasure.

But my West Coast vacation ended on a sad note. I added a few extra days to my trip so I could attend a memorial service in the Northwest for a good friend who had died unexpectedly a month earlier. She was a friend we didn’t see or talk to often but when we did, our close friendship with her and her husband picked up easily where it had last left off.

There is nothing like a memorial service and talking with a grieving family to cause deep reflection and introspection about one’s own mortality and to remind us what really matters in life.

My drive from the airport to the town they live in was a 2-hour drive through a beautiful part of Washington state. I had plenty of time each way in the car alone to reflect on life. While my husband and I have joked about making sure I know all the passwords if something happens to him, the sudden and unexpected loss of a loved one is anything but a joke. It rips your heart out and leaves you and your family devastated. But time heals. And you carry on. And that’s what my friend and his family are doing, hard as it is. They have lost a spouse, a mother, a grandmother, a daughter and a sister. They have lost one of their “big rocks”.

I’ve written about “big rocks” a few times in the past. We need to know who they are and put them ahead of all the little rocks and distractions that take our time and energy. We need to live life to the fullest and love deeply those who matter most to us. And we need to be kind to all who cross our path. As the family eulogies at the memorial service pointed out, we will be remembered not for what we did or accomplished but for the kind of person we were and how we made others feel.

Related Posts:

Do you know your big rocks?

Take time to reboot

Time to stop and smell the roses

Time to stop and smell the roses – part 2

Timeboxing: balancing work and vacation without the stress

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I’ve written a few times over the years about the importance of taking vacations, having true down time, and the elusive work-life balance. Talking with one of my mentees this morning and one of my daughters last night, I was reminded of how important vacations and time away from work can be. Especially for young families where working parents are constantly on the go between their work, their kids’ activities, and basic home life. Packing and getting ready for vacation both at work and at home becomes one more stressor.

I’m a big proponent of taking a vacation where you shut work off completely and let others cover for you and delegate as much as possible. But I know that’s not always possible. And shutting off completely may cause some people even more anxiety. My approach and advice in those situations are to “timebox” an email session each morning (30-60 minutes max) before everyone else gets going for the day. Review the high priority/time sensitive emails and respond only if required. At a minimum, by reading them you will be aware of what’s happening. Don’t get into an email exchange that will carry into the day. Ignore the non-urgent or non-important ones. Delete what you can.

With you and your colleagues taking vacations at different times over the summer months, it can be difficult to keep certain projects and initiatives moving forward. Try not to have everyone dependent on you such that something must come to a halt until you return. In healthcare, we can’t shut the organization down for a week while everyone takes a vacation. I can understand why small companies who can do just that in fact do it – often around July 4th or between end of year holidays.

On this eve of July 4th, while I watch the news and worry about our democracy, I wish you all a happy and safe July 4th weekend and a fabulous summer vacation whenever you decide to take it!

Related Posts:

Vacation season reminders for a more balanced life

The 6 Rs of summer

4 tips when you must work on vacation

Take time to reboot

Navigating career crossroads

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I’m fresh off another stimulating in person CHIME Fall Forum. Many colleagues have already posted on LinkedIn their recaps of the forum speakers and key takeaways. One of my takeaways is the importance of networking on many different levels. A common conversation for me was colleagues who are looking for their next career move or currently in between positions. As I organized my post CHIME to do list on the plane home, I found that I had several people to follow up with from that perspective.

Ironically, when I got home and back into my daily podcast listening routine, the first one I heard was the ThisWeekHealth Newsroom show from November 10 – “The Signs it’s Time to Move on as a Leader”. On Fridays, Bill Russell usually does a stream of conscience commentary on a topic. This one tied very well into some of my CHIME conversations. I encourage you to check it out – only 10 minutes long.

If the end of year approaching has you rethinking your own career plans, check out my previous blogs on career advice. Earlier ones are listed in this blog – “Career advice revisited”. Newer ones are referenced in this blog – “Considering a career move?”. You will find some useful insights and advice for your journey.

And if you’re looking for a career coach, this blog might be helpful – “When to use a career coach”. I’m happy to explore with you what a short 3-month engagement would look like and how best to customize it to meet your unique needs.

Fulfilling life goals and bucket list dreams

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I don’t have a bucket list. But I did set four big broad life goals for myself about 10 years ago. They are doing work I like at a more manageable pace, travelling more, spending time with family, and having fun friends that I spend time with. Happy to say, I’m meeting these goals fairly well at this point.

My sister does have a bucket list. About 6 months after she lost her husband to cancer last year, she was still trying to figure out how much travel she was willing to do with family and friends. She mentioned to my husband and I that seeing the national parks was on her bucket list. My husband jumped on the idea and proposed a multi-week road trip itinerary to three parks – Yellowstone, Grand Tetons, and Glacier. My sister was in! Together they worked out the details and booked all the places we’ll stay – whether it’s one night while continuing to our park destinations or several nights near each of those parks.

That trip is happening now. My sister has been my best friend for as long as I can remember – she is only 16 months older than me. My husband and I have been best friends since the mid-1970s. I know the three of us will have a great time with lots of laughs and deep conversations as we traverse the miles together and take in the incredible scenery. She can check it off her bucket list and I’ll be meeting two of my big goals. Nothing wrong with that!

There is no “so what” to this post other than to encourage you to stay focused on your bucket list or life goals. I wish you all a happy end to the summer and hope you too have carved out some time for R&R with family and friends these past few months.

Related Posts:

Vacation season reminders for a more balanced life

4 tips when you must work on vacation

Take time to reboot

Do you know your big rocks?

The 6 R’s of summer

From workaholic to fitness enthusiast: living a healthier lifestyle

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When I turned 50, I joined a gym – it was a birthday present to myself. Many years of working long hours, commuting, and raising two daughters kept me from regular workouts. I figured at 50 it was well past time. I knew that no one at work was going to come into my office at 6pm and tell me to go home and take care of myself. I had to own it. I have belonged to a gym almost continuously since then though I’ve lived at 5 different addresses in that time.

I had another major milestone birthday last week. And I can honestly say I have never been as physically active as I am now. Go figure. Guess that’s what happens when you work less!

At a minimum, I walk a 1.3 mile loop late afternoon almost every day with our two dogs. I go to 4 classes a week at the YMCA if I register before there are wait lists. I play pickleball every day I can when the weather is good. And I’ve signed up with a women’s golf group to play 9 holes once a week when my schedule allows – I know this will be more fun and social than exercise.

If you are a golfer, you know that’s a humbling experience! From 2000 to 2012, I had periods where I golfed 9 holes once a week but never took lessons. In the past 10 years, I’ve golfed only a few times at charity outings. We moved to a planned community in late 2021 and our townhouse is on one of the two golf courses. We see a lovely but challenging par 3 hole from our deck – we see golfers tee off hoping to hit it over the junk and then we see them hunt for their ball around the green. This summer I decided it was time to get back into golf myself. Continue reading →

What advice would you give your younger self?

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I love this question. It was one of the questions for a panel I was supposed to be on this week. The NEHIMSS chapter has an annual Women in IT conference, and I was one of four invited panelists for the three-hour event. But 40 miles into my 100-mile drive to the venue, cruising fast on the freeway, my left front tire totally blew out – down to the rim. Scary yes, but I got myself over to the shoulder and called AAA. My second call was to the panel moderator explaining I wouldn’t be able to make it. An hour and a half later I was again on the road with the spare tire that is designed for maximum 50 MPH taking the back roads home to avoid freeway speeds.

I was looking forward to the event and the panel. I love sharing stories with next generation leaders so this was going to be a fun night. I was ready after the usual panel prep call to cover the range of questions we had agreed on.

While I didn’t get to do the panel, I don’t want this question to go to waste – here’s what I was ready to say when asked what advice I would give my younger self:

  • Know your big rocks – I’ve written on this in the past, “Do you know your big rocks?”. It comes from Stephen Covey and it is a spot-on analogy. Our families and closest friends are our big rocks. Don’t let all the little stuff take up your space first leaving no room for your big rocks.
  • Don’t take crap from anyone – In my 30s, two of my peer managers seemed out to get me. One even threatened me. I was the only woman on the management team for a 5-year period. After a lot of stress and wasted energy processing it all at night talking to my incredibly supportive husband, I decided enough was enough. I let our boss know what was going on and told him that I would let him know of any further incidents. He was going to have to deal with it because I couldn’t. In another situation where a male manager from another department got overly friendly with sexual advances, I reported it to compliance. Hard as reporting something may be, it is necessary to stop the behavior if you can’t stop it yourself.
  • Have a strong support system – Whether it is family or friends, everyone needs a support system they can turn to. I could tell plenty of stories about my incredibly supportive husband and how he has been there for me back when I was a young working mother in management and going to school at night for my MBA as well as the decades since (our 47th wedding anniversary is in a few weeks).
  • Accept that you can make choices – One of my staff wanted to consider coming back from maternity leave after she had her first child in a part-time role but worried about how it would stall her career. She was a project leader on a management track. We talked about her options and I encouraged her to keep in mind that she had choices. After a period of part-time work, she eventually came back full-time, picked up again in a leadership role and then had two more children a few years later. She made choices right for her and balanced growing a family with growing her career.
  • Own your own career and be open to the possibilities – Before I left my CIO position at Brigham and Women’s Hospital for a similar role at Michigan Medicine, we were going through major staffing changes in IT. My staff were concerned about their future in supporting legacy systems vs the new EHR coming in. I told them they had to own their own career and be open to the possibilities. When I make that second point now, I emphasize that there are jobs today that no one heard of 5 or 10 years ago and there will be new ones in the future we can’t even imagine now.

There you go – I had plenty more to say on the panel given the other great questions we were going to discuss but wanted to at least share this one.

And after this car experience, my parting advice is keep your AAA membership current and keep your cell phone charged.

Related Posts:

7 Ways to develop the next generation of leaders

10 tips for next generation leaders

 

Considering a career move?

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The start of the new year is often a career transition time for people. We’ve heard much in the recent period about the great resignation, silent quitting, and remote work options being in demand. And we’ve seen significant layoffs in the tech industry and to an extent in healthcare providers dealing with significant financial challenges. If you or a colleague are considering a job change, some of my previous posts may be useful to revisit.

Career advice revisited is a list of posts providing career advice that I wrote prior to May 2021. I consider many of them “classics” that are still useful – they cover dealing with a competitive market, questions to ask yourself, interviewing and resume tips, and more.

Two more recent posts since that time provide additional perspective and advice. I wrote Reflections on recent career conversations after talking with many colleagues at the 2022 CHIME Fall Forum. And the post Paying it forward with career advice from late summer 2022 includes links to useful articles and tools for comparing opportunities and deciding whether to stay or go.

For more focused posts here are two more to check out – STEM or not, own your career and Know someone interested in a nursing career?

If you are looking for a career coach to help you through a transition, the post, When to use a career coach, could be helpful. I am happy to talk about how I might assist you.

Note – I am taking a short break from writing new posts the next few weeks. With all the blog posts I’ve written over the past 8 years, I’m using this break to share some of my “classics”. Thank you for being a subscriber – I hope you will encourage your colleagues to subscribe in the coming year.

New Year’s Resolutions – one month in

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Do you make new year’s resolutions? Do you share them with others for accountability? Do you use the new year as a time for reflection and goal setting?

I have made explicit resolutions in some years and not others. A few years ago, I framed them as intentions – they were balance, passion and engagement. Regardless of what form it takes, the start of a new year is a good time to reflect on the past year and plan for the coming year in both your professional and personal life.

My resolutions at the start of 2022 revolved around life/work balance and I’m happy to say I have made good progress. In 2022, my work schedule was very manageable, I spent more time with family (including fun times with grandkids), got a lot of exercise (including becoming a Pickleball addict), and vacationed without worrying about work.

More time with family may sound like a cliché – maybe more available to family is another way to say it. So, what are some examples of being available? When my daughters tell me about a game or performance that my grandkids are in, I now have the flexibility to say yes, I’ll be there. When my daughters ask if I can take care of their kids for a few days, I now can say yes. That included “Nana Camp” last summer. And when my sister’s husband passed away back home in Minnesota, I was able to spend extended time with her.

I am carrying all these positive 2022 changes and more into 2023. Continue reading →

End of year thoughts and advice for 2023

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This week in between holidays is a time when leaders may be working a more relaxed schedule and planning for the coming year. When I was a full-time CIO, I appreciated this last week of the year with few to no meetings and the opportunity to cleanup, catchup, and prepare for the new year.

While the past three years have at times been a blur as I try to recall when certain pandemic related events and changes happened, and the political discourse is incredibly discouraging at times, I remain optimistic about our collective future.

Health IT leaders will continue to face staffing challenges and cost constraints as organizations are under increased financial pressures. The successful health IT leaders in 2023 will be those who can partner effectively with their peers as a member of the executive team, support their organization’s strategic priorities and goals, find ways to reduce costs without reducing services, create flexible work environments with workforce strategies that ensure the best talent on the team, and embrace new and innovative technologies that solve real problems and improve the patient, clinician, and employee experience.

As in previous years, my StarBridge Advisors colleague, David Muntz, has again written an excellent year end blog – 12 Steps to Prepare for 2023 – Big Challenges – Bigger Opportunities. His 12 steps are worth considering as you plan for 2023. And his intro is a powerful reminder of why we work in healthcare and the kind of people we should strive to be in all our interactions:

“Healthcare is a people business.  We need to remind ourselves and our coworkers that mercy and compassion, not anger, define our profession and us as professionals.  We need to model mercy and compassion in our personal lives, in our interpersonal relationships, not just with family and friends, but with strangers and, equally important, our coworkers and business partners.  One way to do that is through genuine listening in pursuit of true understanding – so easy to say, so difficult to do.  Give others an avenue to express themselves.   For your own sake, lower your defenses.  As you create a list of resolutions for the new year, please add to it active and courageous listening, building trust, and treating everyone with kindness.”

May your 2023 be a healthy, peaceful year filled with kindness!