Tag Archives: family

Memorial Day: remembering the sacrifice, celebrating the summer

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This coming holiday weekend for most of us is the first bookend of the summer season. It’s a time for picnics and barbeques, gathering with family and friends. Depending on where you live, it may be warm enough for a first beach trip and swimming pools open for the season.

But we can’t forget that Memorial Day as a holiday honors the men and women who died while serving in the U.S. military. The history of this holiday may surprise you. Memorial Day was originally known as Decoration Day, originating in the years following the Civil War. In 1950, Congress passed a resolution requesting that the president issue a proclamation calling on Americans to observe Memorial Day as a day of prayer for permanent peace. It became an official federal holiday in 1971. Many people observe Memorial Day by visiting cemeteries or memorials and participating in local parades.

As a child growing up in Minneapolis my family had the annual tradition of visiting graves on Memorial Day. We went to Fort Snelling National Cemetery to visit my father’s grave and then to smaller nearby cemeteries to visit my grandmother’s grave and a great uncle’s grave. Anyone who has been to a national cemetery with rows and rows of uniform white grave markers is moved by the experience. We are reminded of so many who have given unselfish service to our country.

My husband and I had the opportunity last summer to visit the American Cemetery at Normandy in France. That was a very moving experience. Visiting Omaha Beach just prior to that and learning more about the landings on D-Day, then seeing the thousands of graves at Normandy was a sobering reminder of what fighting for our freedom has meant.

I hope that as you enjoy the long holiday weekend you will hold in your heart the memories of all those whose lives are celebrated on Memorial Day.

What advice would you give your younger self?

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I love this question. It was one of the questions for a panel I was supposed to be on this week. The NEHIMSS chapter has an annual Women in IT conference, and I was one of four invited panelists for the three-hour event. But 40 miles into my 100-mile drive to the venue, cruising fast on the freeway, my left front tire totally blew out – down to the rim. Scary yes, but I got myself over to the shoulder and called AAA. My second call was to the panel moderator explaining I wouldn’t be able to make it. An hour and a half later I was again on the road with the spare tire that is designed for maximum 50 MPH taking the back roads home to avoid freeway speeds.

I was looking forward to the event and the panel. I love sharing stories with next generation leaders so this was going to be a fun night. I was ready after the usual panel prep call to cover the range of questions we had agreed on.

While I didn’t get to do the panel, I don’t want this question to go to waste – here’s what I was ready to say when asked what advice I would give my younger self:

  • Know your big rocks – I’ve written on this in the past, “Do you know your big rocks?”. It comes from Stephen Covey and it is a spot-on analogy. Our families and closest friends are our big rocks. Don’t let all the little stuff take up your space first leaving no room for your big rocks.
  • Don’t take crap from anyone – In my 30s, two of my peer managers seemed out to get me. One even threatened me. I was the only woman on the management team for a 5-year period. After a lot of stress and wasted energy processing it all at night talking to my incredibly supportive husband, I decided enough was enough. I let our boss know what was going on and told him that I would let him know of any further incidents. He was going to have to deal with it because I couldn’t. In another situation where a male manager from another department got overly friendly with sexual advances, I reported it to compliance. Hard as reporting something may be, it is necessary to stop the behavior if you can’t stop it yourself.
  • Have a strong support system – Whether it is family or friends, everyone needs a support system they can turn to. I could tell plenty of stories about my incredibly supportive husband and how he has been there for me back when I was a young working mother in management and going to school at night for my MBA as well as the decades since (our 47th wedding anniversary is in a few weeks).
  • Accept that you can make choices – One of my staff wanted to consider coming back from maternity leave after she had her first child in a part-time role but worried about how it would stall her career. She was a project leader on a management track. We talked about her options and I encouraged her to keep in mind that she had choices. After a period of part-time work, she eventually came back full-time, picked up again in a leadership role and then had two more children a few years later. She made choices right for her and balanced growing a family with growing her career.
  • Own your own career and be open to the possibilities – Before I left my CIO position at Brigham and Women’s Hospital for a similar role at Michigan Medicine, we were going through major staffing changes in IT. My staff were concerned about their future in supporting legacy systems vs the new EHR coming in. I told them they had to own their own career and be open to the possibilities. When I make that second point now, I emphasize that there are jobs today that no one heard of 5 or 10 years ago and there will be new ones in the future we can’t even imagine now.

There you go – I had plenty more to say on the panel given the other great questions we were going to discuss but wanted to at least share this one.

And after this car experience, my parting advice is keep your AAA membership current and keep your cell phone charged.

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Leadership means being bold and taking on the tough issues

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As a leader, do you shy away from issues that may be considered too controversial or too political? What if those issues are at the core of delivering healthcare to your community and supporting your team? In our current political environment with the level of discourse so negative and uncivil, it can be hard to take a stand on something. But true leaders do just that.

Michael Dowling, President and CEO at Northwell Health in New York, is the kind of leader who doesn’t shy away from controversial issues. He should be a role model for all of us. I have mentioned him in previous posts on the need for civility and on preventing gun violence. This week I want to highlight his unwavering commitment and national leadership to prevent gun violence.

Under Dowling’s leadership, Northwell Health hosted the 4th Annual Gun Violence Prevention Forum this week. It was an in-person event in New York but open for virtual registration. I can’t tell how many were in the room but in his opening remarks he said there were over 2000 registered virtually.

His opening comments were inspiring. He said we were gathered to learn, to share, to strengthen our commitment to work together in unison, and to hold hands as we march down the road bending the curve of gun violence. He challenged us to each rethink and reimagine the obligation and responsibility of leadership. As health systems, to ask who are we, what do we stand for and believe in. He said we need to inspire others that this is health. That we can’t improve health unless we go upstream. And that health is more than medicine. Whether inside the organization or outside, to take on difficult topics. To make sure others get involved and feel bad about not doing so. He talked about the progress made. He reminded us that big issues and big successes are the result of a constellation of small things. And he encouraged us to be optimistic, that people follow optimistic leaders. He asked us to be proud, committed and fearlessly optimistic.

He talked about the National Health Care CEO Council on Gun Violence Prevention and Safety taking the pledge to prioritize the health and safety of our communities. 50 health system CEOs have signed the pledge and are united to fight gun violence. He talked about how even a few years ago he couldn’t get anyone to sign something like this. The response he got back then was it’s too political, their board wouldn’t like it, there were NRA members on their board, and so on. 50 is progress and we can hope that in the future it will be hundreds. Continue reading →

Considering a career move?

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The start of the new year is often a career transition time for people. We’ve heard much in the recent period about the great resignation, silent quitting, and remote work options being in demand. And we’ve seen significant layoffs in the tech industry and to an extent in healthcare providers dealing with significant financial challenges. If you or a colleague are considering a job change, some of my previous posts may be useful to revisit.

Career advice revisited is a list of posts providing career advice that I wrote prior to May 2021. I consider many of them “classics” that are still useful – they cover dealing with a competitive market, questions to ask yourself, interviewing and resume tips, and more.

Two more recent posts since that time provide additional perspective and advice. I wrote Reflections on recent career conversations after talking with many colleagues at the 2022 CHIME Fall Forum. And the post Paying it forward with career advice from late summer 2022 includes links to useful articles and tools for comparing opportunities and deciding whether to stay or go.

For more focused posts here are two more to check out – STEM or not, own your career and Know someone interested in a nursing career?

If you are looking for a career coach to help you through a transition, the post, When to use a career coach, could be helpful. I am happy to talk about how I might assist you.

Note – I am taking a short break from writing new posts the next few weeks. With all the blog posts I’ve written over the past 8 years, I’m using this break to share some of my “classics”. Thank you for being a subscriber – I hope you will encourage your colleagues to subscribe in the coming year.

New Year’s Resolutions – one month in

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Do you make new year’s resolutions? Do you share them with others for accountability? Do you use the new year as a time for reflection and goal setting?

I have made explicit resolutions in some years and not others. A few years ago, I framed them as intentions – they were balance, passion and engagement. Regardless of what form it takes, the start of a new year is a good time to reflect on the past year and plan for the coming year in both your professional and personal life.

My resolutions at the start of 2022 revolved around life/work balance and I’m happy to say I have made good progress. In 2022, my work schedule was very manageable, I spent more time with family (including fun times with grandkids), got a lot of exercise (including becoming a Pickleball addict), and vacationed without worrying about work.

More time with family may sound like a cliché – maybe more available to family is another way to say it. So, what are some examples of being available? When my daughters tell me about a game or performance that my grandkids are in, I now have the flexibility to say yes, I’ll be there. When my daughters ask if I can take care of their kids for a few days, I now can say yes. That included “Nana Camp” last summer. And when my sister’s husband passed away back home in Minnesota, I was able to spend extended time with her.

I am carrying all these positive 2022 changes and more into 2023. Continue reading →

Grief and loss during the holidays

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In this Season of Gratitude as we celebrate holidays with family and friends, I am mindful that it can be a very difficult time for people who are grieving. A particular holiday song can be a trigger, decorations can be a trigger, just about anything can be a trigger. Whether it’s been a few weeks or many years since losing a loved one, holiday times can be especially difficult.

Being mindful of what others may be experiencing is so important. I won’t pretend to be an expert in helping people process their grief, but I have certainly experienced it this year with family members. Being aware of what they are going through, letting them talk openly about it, and just listening is my best advice. There are no right words.

While social media can be a pit of negativity, there are also bright spots of inspiration and positive messaging. I saw something on Facebook recently and shared it with my sister whose husband passed away in September. Healing Hugs (a non-profit organization that helps support parents who have lost children) shared these words from Angela Miller, founder of the grief organization, A Bed for My Heart:

There are no rules for surviving holiday grief.

Do what you need to do to survive.

Honor your loved one how you need to, and do what feels best for your fragile, aching heart.

You are missing a huge piece of you, so do whatever you need to do to find a sliver of peace.

I also saw something shared on Facebook about holiday host etiquette from Sarah Nannen who writes about the paradoxes we face in life, grief, motherhood, and our shared humanity:

If you’re inviting someone to your home and they’re grieving, be sure you’re inviting their grief to attend, too. It will be there, anyway.

Don’t invite someone with the goal of cheering them up for the holidays. Don’t expect them to put on a happy face in your home. Don’t demand they fake it til they make it or do something they don’t want to do, either.

Invite them with the loving intention of offering cheer and companionship and unconditional care during the holidays. To do this, you will need to honor and be responsive to their needs and emotions. Continue reading →

Ban books? No, encourage young readers

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It’s that time of year – whatever holiday you celebrate during this Season of Gratitude there is likely some gift giving involved. You may have an obligatory attitude of just getting it done or (hopefully) a more positive giving attitude spending time selecting thoughtful and more personalized gifts. When I had leadership teams reporting to me, I would give them a book each year. It was often the hardest gift to buy – deciding on the perfect book that they would all like. Over the years, my books included some of the best titles on innovation, leadership, technology, public health and more.

Now my holiday gift book buying is all for younger people. In addition to the one big gift for each of my grandchildren, I get them a book. I will be starting two of them on the “National Geographic Kids Almanac 2023” this year – it is filled with information on animals, science, nature, technology, conservation, and more.  I bought “Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls: 100 Inspiring Young Changemakers” for one of the granddaughters at my daughter’s suggestion. I was delighted to get the suggestion as I have been patiently waiting for my granddaughters to be old enough so I could start buying some of the feminist books for girls I see in bookstores. And for my grandson who loves all sports and is learning to read, I’m getting a fun story he should like – “The Dog That Stole Football Plays”. The football player on the cover has a “Jets” jersey on and that happens to be the name of my grandson’s flag football team. Hoping he loves the story, and it encourages him to read more!

I have another book buying annual holiday tradition that continues. I buy a book for each of my grandnephews and grandnieces back home in Minneapolis where I’m from and where my siblings and their families all live. That group is older – mostly teenagers. So, we have progressed over the years from picture books when they were little to books focused on their interests including baseball, ballet, and opera during middle school years, to more scholarly and political books now that they are in high school. For example – “A Choice of Weapons” by Gordon Parks, “Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglas”, and “The 48 Laws of Power” by Robert Greene. I count on my three nieces to help me with recommendations and to understand their kids’ evolving interests. The grandnephew who wanted baseball books when he was younger is now into Nordic skiing and heavy metal with his own band. Yes, with my sister’s (their grandmother) help, I found a book he will like.

I can’t talk about nurturing young readers without mentioning the current banned books controversy that goes hand in hand with concerns about teaching critical race theory and talking about LGBTQ. Continue reading →

Grateful for the love of family, savoring the moments

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What can I say at Thanksgiving this year that is new and unique? How about the fact that two of the biggest birds I’ve ever seen flew by my home office window yesterday? You guessed it, they were wild turkeys. Yes, we live in a more rural area now. In fact, last year while the dogs and I watched two wild turkeys strut along behind our townhouse (you can imagine what the dogs thought….lot of yelping through the window), my husband who was on a conference call later told me he saw a third one up in a tree wondering how it got there and not looking very elegant as it tried to get out.

On the turkey cooking front, we had to cook ours yesterday, two days in advance with a plan to reheat it on Thanksgiving when the family arrives. Why? There were no frozen turkeys at the store and buying a fresh one 4 days in advance we have learned is too far – google says cook within a day or two. Guess that’s my health angle for this post – not serving my family old fowl that will make them sick, and my technology angle – depending on the power of google to ask any question and get an answer. The downside is when everyone arrives, we won’t have that wonderful turkey cooking in the oven fragrance throughout the house. There’s an idea for a candle maker! But the upside is more room in the single oven to reheat the side dishes our daughters are bringing.

I’ve said to a few people that we’re ready for plenty of chaos as the six adults will be outnumbered by our four grandkids and three dogs including a very active 7-month-old puppy that is bigger than both our 3- and 14-year-old little dogs. But it will be wonderful, loving, family chaos. The best kind!

10 years ago on Thanksgiving I was on baby watch. I had just moved to Ann Arbor for my new CIO job and was living alone for 9 weeks. My first grandchild was due any day out in California. Continue reading →

Reflections on recent career conversations

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I’ve often written about career advice. After talking to several people in transition while I was at the CHIME 2022 Fall Forum last week, I decided it’s a good time to revisit the topic. Here are some of those interactions – anonymized of course – followed by my general advice given the common themes:

  • I asked a colleague who I knew was unhappy with their situation a few years ago how things are going these days. I got the same response as before – still unhappy. I say, time to do something about it. No one should stay in an organization or position where they are truly unhappy if there are options out there.
  • I met a CIO whose position was eliminated due to a merger. While actively looking for the next position, there are concerns that lacking Epic experience at the CIO level is an obstacle. Yes, there are benefits to having worked with a particular vendor and understanding the challenges and issues with their products and services but as I like to say, the CIO is not doing report writing in the tool so in the end, does specific vendor experience matter?
  • I met a CIO who is concerned about ageism. Will they be given a chance if they are 60 years old? There are laws against age discrimination but unfortunately, we know it’s a reality. I say go for it and focus on your experience.
  • I spoke with someone who is mid-career and unhappy in their current organization given cultural issues and limited opportunities. They are actively looking at a wide range of options as they should be.
  • I got an email from someone at a vendor whose position was eliminated and wanted help networking. I connected that person with someone who is well connected in that specific part of our industry.
  • I spoke to a couple CIOs who have retirement dates set. They will be thinking about the next chapter and whether to go cold turkey or stay involved in some way. The beauty of that phase is you can pick and choose, say “yes” to what you are passionate about and “no” to what you no longer want to do.
  • I spoke to a CIO who isn’t ready to retire but is open to working less and considering alternatives. This may be a growing trend after the pace and demands of the past few years.

And I spent time with some of the people I have formally coached in recent years. Hearing how they are doing and seeing how they have grown in their roles and careers is very rewarding. I’m honored that I helped in some small way. Continue reading →

A post vacation teaser for future posts

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I am just back from a long vacation in Europe. Probably too long away from home but it was wonderful overall. I learned a lot, saw a lot, took hundreds of pix that I now must organize, kept in touch with family back home, and made some new friends.

And I have a lot of takeaways for future blog posts such as:

  • smart technology in everyday life (Europeans seem ahead of us)
  • importance of infrastructure (can’t say enough positives about the train system in Europe)
  • value of language translation tools (Google translate is a great tool for basics)
  • learning value of travel (part of trip was Road Scholar cruise with professors lecturing onboard and local experts on tours)
  • email management (the art of monitoring while on vacation)
  • and yes, some political commentary (Europe knows what it takes to fight fascists and Nazis)

I will be writing some of these posts in the weeks to come as I am still catching up and getting back into work and routines.

I leave you with a quote we saw on a small riverboat in Narbonne, France (which looked like a wonderful place for retirement if you didn’t have family and grandkids you wanted to see often). I used the Google translate app to get this: “If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine, it’s deadly!”

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Vacation season reminders for a more balanced life

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